Don’t take things for granted

As always also available at http://www.tagworld.com/rassilon

I wanted to set aside today’s blog entry as a tribute to a buddy of mine. As you may have read in other of my entries, I categorize people into groups such as buds, associates, companions etc. Well the young lady I am discussing today is riding the cusp of friend. Now to start with I want to make one point ABUNDANTLY clear. I do not have any romantic inclinations towards this woman. That’s not to say that it is not possible. I have found her incredibly charming, personable, beautiful and sometimes annoyingly intelligent ;).

The thing that has inspired this is that this young woman, let’s call her Zee, is soon going to be working for another company. I am happy for her about this because she craves a challenge and deserves a chance for advancement which her present job doesn’t afford her. It’s not like she’s dying or anything but things change when someone changes jobs. We would do the crossword puzzles over lunch and that is something I am going to miss. I am also going to miss that little laugh and smile over sometimes the smallest things that would throw a bit of sunshine on a really crappy day. This is a woman I have really grown to admire over the course of my time knowing her. She was in an accident about a year ago and I visited her while she was recuperating (not as often as I could in retrospect but I did visit) and she never during that time, that I saw, let the injuries get her down.

I suppose she inspires me on some level. I run into a lot of people in the course of the day who have more teeth than brain cells, who will screw someone else over at the drop of a hat. Then there is Zee who shows me that the other side of the coin exists. That the good side of humanity and the potential for improvement exists. It is something that inspires me and I am sure will inspires others who know her and will get to know her in the future.

Anyone know the number of a good hermitage?

As always available at http://www.tagworld.com/rassilon

I think I need a vacation from me. Just some time where John and Rassilon don’t exist. No, I am not planning to off myself or anything. I just need some time away where no one knows me and I don’t need to know anyone. Just live in the moment, maybe as James Hamilton or Alan Scott. I may as well go whole hog. See the thing is I am just feeling the weight of the Universe on my shoulders. I suppose it is a bit of self pity but it seems lately that things have come to a head. In the past few days one of my best friends has started thinking of me as a pervert due in part to my recent "appearance" on a TV show and her hubby who is also one of my best friends, shares that opinion. It was a call in. I am working ELEVEN days in a row which I know I have been harping about to pretty much anyone who will listen. I have forced myself through a case of the flu. I managed to screw up a potential relationship with a young woman of my acquaintance because of physical shortcomings (between our two mid-sections it couldn’t reach, there I said it) and feeling a lack of self worth. My supervisor at work has pointed out that my performance is nothing really special and the list goes on. I just need a bit of emotional and physical rest. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not running away from my problems just trying to get a bit of relaxation so I can get things back in perspective

In a little while from now, if I`m not feeling any less sour

As always also available at http://www.tagworld.com/Rassilon

Well, I have once again become a lone traveler. Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to mislead. I haven’t actually come across a new mode of transportation or anything. I was speaking in a bit more philosophical sense. You know, the whole "On the road of life there are passengers and there are drivers" kind of thing (Oh great, now Volkswagon is going to sue my ass, just what I need ;) Actually what I was referring to is that over the past couple of months I have had a bit of a whirlwind romance that has been going on for about 20 years. It’s a long story which I may get into some time.

ANYWAYS, the point of this is that I am once again a solo act, an unattached male, a close personal friend of my right hand…wait scratch that last one. Quite honestly, at this point I am considering visiting pet stores and comparing the prices of cats. I really have no one to blame for my present and some may say constant state of affairs. Over the years, I have been distancing myself more and more from deeper emotions. As interest in me has dwindled over time my aloofness and emotional distance has increased. Don’t worry though, I am not planning to start using phrases like "Logical, Captain." or "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one." I have just gotten to the point where, and this is a personal quote of mine, "I have been burned so much that the movie studios are looking at me to play The Human Torch in Fantastic Four 2". As an interesting counterpoint, I do tend to be a much more sociable animal than I have been in the past and quite happy to play the fool if it will get a laugh.

So what have we learned here today class? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Sorry, I have just been seeing Ben Stein on TV a lot lately. Basically, we have learned that I can whine and cry like a schoolgirl with a skinned knee when life doesn’t work out like you plan it and that when push comes to shove I can become a cold hard place in existence looking out over the world.
Next episode: Why I would make a good super-villain
(tentively)

A starter kit on what I DON'T know

A while ago, relatively speaking, I did a blog on preconcieved notions when you tell people your age. For those of you reading this on tagworld, I will have posted it just before this particular blog. I discovered this weekend that I am not unaffected by it myself.

I was checking out the webpage of a young lady of my acquaintance and she had a link on her main page to a second page. Now this young woman is a very intelligent, charming and someone who challenges me to think (in the morning? Before coffee? A plague upon your house foul, fanged fiend! KIDDING!) as well as being a very attractive model. I think you know where this may be leading but I will spell it out for those who don’t, she was nude on her page and I wasn’t offended and I am not objecting ( I used to deejay at a strip club and have seen more breasts and vaginas than she will ever have ;) , I was just surprised. When I heard model I ONLY assumed sportswear, swimwear, evening gowns, maybe negligee so it took me a few moments to get my bearings back. It was then I realized that I had just done something that I have accused others of in the past with righteous indignation. Assumed something about someone and not gotten all the facts. I realized that this young woman is very physically attractive and why not cash in on it while you can as well it is an expression of sexual freedom. I try not to be judgemental but apparently I am not as immune to this as I thought I was. I feel I owe her a heartfelt apology and this blog is it. As I have stated in the past, I don’ t name names. I respect people’s right to privacy but I think she will deduce I am talking about her.

I realize that this blog is shorter than some but I felt this needed to be said as soon and as sincerely as possible. Later all

Some walk by night, some fly by day

As always, also available at http://www.tagworld.com/rassilon

You know how often things come up and people will say "I remember where I was when…" Well I kind of had one of those moments last night. It wasn’t Kennedy getting shot or 9/11. It was a more personal moment for me.
About two weeks ago, I bought seasons one and two of Moonlighting with Cybill Shepard and Bruce Willis and I was a big time fan of the show in the day. I watched it for the months of reruns and right until the end. Anyways, I am watching the DVD last night when I come upon an episode called ‘Somewhere under the rainbow’ when David (Bruce Willis) Addison starts discussing art. The line is

"I do know something about art. There are a couple of guys, a couple of artists whose work I admire and respect. Ruebens, Peter Paul Reubans happens to be a favourite of mine. Flemish, 17th Century, master of the Baroque style.
He liked to paint those big fat mamas with the major maracas. Liked his women well packed. An artistic notion not entirely lost on myself. You know what they say, the bigger the cushion, the better…"

Now the quote itself is giggleworthy, but it was more than that. I recall at the time I was living in London Ontario, it was Tuesday night and I was with, well as I have stated before I don’t like to name names on blogs so I will just say that if you are seeing this on my tagworld site it is one of the women pictured under my companions section.
It was the first time we watched the show and as a bonus she was an artist so she laughed at it as well. This all came flooding back to me when I heard the line and I was thinking that there are several things that I associate from our time together that have left reverberations of sorts. Mostly things dealing with entertainment. For example, there was a movie from the mid 80s called "Young Sherlock Holmes" which I have tried to watch again since I went to the premiere but it just gets too painful because it was because of it being the cause of why we first met (we both won tickets to the premiere and went to claim the tickets from the radio station at the same time). I drink a bottle of blueberry wine each December 3rd because it was the day we first met and that was her favourite drink. I still enjoy art myself but I don’t feel completely comfortable in an art gallery because that was our Wednesday night thing I am a neurosis wrapped in a psychosis ;).
I somehow doubt that I am unique in this. I mean there must be other people out there who practice a certain amount of avoidance due to residual emotions from a relationship. The difference, I am assuming in my case, is that for me it has been decades since I last saw or talked to her. Or maybe as a buddy of mine observed a while ago "You just need to get laid!" Hmm, there’s a thought. Later all. ;)

May I have this dance ?

Also viewable at http://www.tagworld.com/rassilon

Well kiddies, I have a story for you today. All tucked into your little beddie byes? Good, well what prompted this was an email that I got this morning. Well, that’s when I read it but I didn’t check to see when it was sent. Anyways that’s besides the point. Now I know this will read like an episode of ‘How I met your mother’ (Mondays at 8:30 or check your local listings ;) Anyways I got an email from my prom date which is odd but in a cool way because I was just thinking of her like last week.

The year was 1982 (lo, those many Eons ago, back when I was relatively young) and this young lady and I shared a French class together. She was beautiful (read that as Wah-hay out of my league) and I asked her to the prom. I had such sweaty palms when I was asking her if she wanted to go to the prom with me, well let’s just say if you shook hands with me at that point you would have thought I had previously shaken hands with Aquaman. The surprising thing for me was that she said yes.

So after the heart palpitations subsided, I tried to figure out my next step (not for that, get your mind out of the gutter). What ended up happening is pretty much every teen’s nightmare. I HAD TO HAVE MY MOM DRIVE US TO THE PROM! Now, my date was cool with it or if she wasn’t she didn’t let on (kudos!). The one thing that sticks out in my mind and I am more than likely not the only male this has happened to, when I got to her house I was greeted by her parents and her dad, as I recall, was kind of an intimidating figure. Then my date came into the room. I thought I had gone deaf and blind because she was the only person or thing I was aware of in the room. She had her hair done up and the dress was a really gorgeous gown. If someone had asked me my name at that point I would have been hard pressed to answer.

I am going to completely destroy my macho/hound image (don’t really have one here but hey, cut me some slack). I tried to present her with the corsage. Now as well as being beautiful she was also, hmm, I am trying to think of a polite and PC way of putting it, well she was built. So with her parents (especially her dad) watching, I did give it a try but eventually I had to hand it off before I pierced her.

The prom itself went not badly but I was so nervous. My first real date and to my eyes she was well, incredible would be an understatement. We ended off the evening by going out for Chinese which I seem to recall she didn’t have much of and I got her home safely. After that evening, each time I saw her I was a bit embarrassed because I felt I should have tried harder to make sure she had a good time but when you are 18 and male, you tend to be a bit selfish and self-centered.

Now as we hurtle forward in time to 2006, I am realizing just how much I have and have not changed. I can still be selfish and self-centered. I like to think I have matured but on a social scale, not so much. My social skills with the opposite sex is still sorely lacking, mind you for the most part I can now look an attractive woman in the eyes as opposed to the feet or the nipples (that does give me a somewhat higher standing than some out there). I still have a way to go so here’s hoping there is something to either the legends of immortality or maybe reincarnation.

Oh say can you see? ...well not really

A BRAND NEW blog entry. Strike up the band!

As always available as well at http://www.tagworld.com/rassilon

First off, I want to start by saying I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a football fan. The whole process is a complete mystery to me and for the most part this blog entry will only touch on it in the periphery. Today’s topic is Super Bowl Sunday. Now how’s that for seeming contradiction in the first paragraph. ;)

Actually, what it is, is that I live in Canada (Did I mention that previously? No? Okay, I live in Canada, there. It’s said) and here in Canada we have an organization called the CRTC which stands for the Commission of Radio and TeleCommunications. It is kind of the Canadian version of the FCC in the United States. Anywho, it was decided to protect Canadian investments and advertising by whenever a Canadian broadcast of a show coincides with the an American one, the Canadian signal will take precedence. So, quite often when a network like say Fox, runs The Simpsons and it starts at 7:59:45, when 8:00:00 rolls around and Global (a Canadian Network) starts running it. The show re-starts and instead of being "seduced" by American advertising we get all Canadian ads.

Now normally I could give a rat’s backside. I mean I don’t agree with the practice but, ehn, you live with it. It is only Super Bowl that cheeses me off with respect to this. The rest of the free world gets to see all the cool, one-time commercials from the big boys. MEANWHILE we get to find out that Global will be running Survivor on Thursday and they will replay that twice or more during the same commercial break or the fact that smoking will be illegal in all restaurants, bars, pubs etc later this year.

Okay, fine! It’s childish! I admit it! But I want to see the ads without having to download them via the net or wait for the local morning show to show me what my government feels it has to protect me from. I assumed when I reached the age of consent, I could choose what I wanted to watch and digital dexterity would allow me to be able to change the channel if I didn’t like what I saw. Apparently that is not the case. Apparently the first time I see a commercial for a car or a computer or even feminine hygiene products, I will be overwhelmed with an uncontrollable desire to consume. Mind you, as Dennis Miller is fond of saying, "Of course, that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong!"

Civilization...or something like it

As previously, also available at http://www.tagworld.com/rassilon


I have been thinking of the concept of humanity and civilization lately and I have to say that I don’t have much hope for it. Oh we have made great leaps in technology over the past few centuries but the society and "civilization" not so much. Dumbing down seems to be the norm rather than exception in society. We have very modern machines but few people know how they run or God forbid, if they break how to fix them. I work in a Satellite TV provider company and you would be amazed at how many people call in with complaints about the service because they moved things around and forgot to plug the cable into the "Satellite In" hole. And I can’ t count the times in a week where people who I see riding the bus daily can’t figure out that the doors in back operate via a motion detector so if you place your hand against the door like you are expecting it to take your palm print like you are trying to get into the federal reserve 3 blocks before your stop, it is not going to work. However you move your hand when the overhead light comes on and it’s witchcraft I tells ya!

The present day society has also given up most hope on basic civility. I was waiting at a crosswalk with the little white indicator that it was okay to cross when some shmuck squeals around the corner on a red light (you are supposed to stop and then if it is clear then turn) doing about 50 kmph shouting into his cell like he is trying to be heard over a friggin’ chainsaw. About two years ago, again at an intersection, an ambulance is coming from the south and going north, sirens and lights going to beat the band. Meanwhile, this guy in his car feels he has to go through the intersection otherwise he MAY have to wait an additional 2 minutes to have supper that night. He narrowly misses the ambulance and then has the NERVE to blow his horn at the ambulance. How dare the guy in the ambulance even think about dying when this guy is going home for supper! Doesn’t he know who that driver is? He is the sole reason that the multiverse was created and don’t you forget it.

The frightening thing is that when you do try and do the right thing people sometimes look at you like you should be two cells down the corridor from the Joker in Arkham Asylum. I was telling a story from my past to a co-worker a few days ago. It was about 1988 or so (my own timeline is soooo confusing ;) and I was driving from St. Catherines to Niagara Falls Ontario, which is about a 15 km. drive when there was this car on the side of the road with the windows up on fire. I was operating pretty much on instinct and pulled over about 50 feet or so ahead of that car and had my passenger pop the trunk so I could get a block of wood I had in there for traction out. I thought someone could have been trapped in the car and wanted to get them out. I had my companion get the car further away and ran to the burning car and smashed the driver’s side window and tried feeling around for someone and yelling in case someone was stuck in the back seat. I finally determined that no one was in the car and left to call 911 (cell phones were not in common use at this time and I am not a big fan of them even now but that’s for another time). As I reached a phone I heard the sirens so I just went on my merry way. Anyways, when I told my bud from work about this I get this weird look and was asked about my sanity. He figured if I had been there when the fire department and cops arrived they probably would have locked me up for suspicion for fire. It didn’t occur to him and to the other cars that passed by as I was trying to see if I could save someone that if circumstances had been different, someone may have died if I had done nothing. You do what needs to be done and deal with the circumstances like that later.

I don’t know. Maybe I am an anachronism or maybe the standards I try to live by just are not applicable to society in general. Maybe it is everyone for themselves and I should just join in all the reindeer games. Ahhh, it’s a Friday and maybe I am just tired with the world in general. Later all.

IF YOU WANT MY BODY AND YOU THINK… AH SCREW IT!

Lately in the FEW moments I have had free lately, I have been checking out a new site called tagworld and on one of the pages there was a young woman http://www.tagworld.com/HotNThickChick who is doing some sort of study asking people "What is sexy?" Which is a very serious question and I have been thinking about it for the past few days.

The thing for me is that there is not just one thing that is sexy, generally speaking it is a combination of factors so if you were expecting me to say "a nice set ‘o jugs", sorry to disappoint you. I certainly find intelligence attractive but is attractive sexy? Partially yes but it is not all. The thing is that I have found myself attracted to women some might categorize as homely but to simplify the discussion I will use attractive as a partial description of sexy. I find long hair attractive, something you can stroke and run your fingers through when you are getting passionate and intimate. I love a woman that makes me laugh which I will be the first to admit is not always easy. I can make people laugh myself but I don’t do it that often myself when I do it is almost to the point I can’t breathe. There are some women that I find attractive simply from the way that their face is structured. (I used to work with a woman who had the sexiest nose I have ever seen. Seriously) I have a hard time seeing a woman as a collection of parts. I tend to see a woman as a, well it’s hard to describe it. A personality, a soul? Both seem a bit incomplete descriptions.

I suppose part of the physically attractive aspect has to deal with "packaging" as it were. A woman who knows how to dress to display her more attractive attributes is a good thing but at the same time, one of the most attractive women I ever saw while walking down the street was just wearing a white top and black skirt. I know it is a cliché but I fall back on a statement I made in an earlier blog entry. It was about the kind of woman I was looking for but it also relates to what I find sexy about someone. I want someone that I can go out with on a Saturday night and curl up with on a couch on a Sunday afternoon watching an old movie with.

Would you be mine, could you be mine, won`t you be my neighbour?

Two posts in a single week? This is a bit of an accomplishment in the past few weeks. I am trying a new site to see if it is better, worse or breaks even with this one. It is http://www.tagworld.com/rassilon where I am also posting my blog entries. It, for the most part seems to be a place to meet people but no chat as yet. You can email people and get their attention via instant messenger and such which I can't use as most of my usage is at places I can't download programs at.

The thing I have trouble with, and this won't be a complete bitchfest, don't worry, is that you are supposed to accumulate a list of "friends" now as I mentioned in an earlier post on http://rassilon1.blogspot.com , friend is not a term I throw around loosely but by the same token on this site they do, not the end of the world. I think the problem I have with it is that it seems so damn needy. "Please be my friend! I'll give you candy." is what it feels like. I suppose I could go the "Screw you! I don't need any of you route!" but unnecessary rudeness seems quite pointless. I have decided a middle ground. If you like me, fine. If you don't fine. It's a large multiverse ;) So now if you are looking for me and I am not here you know where to find me. If you're not looking for me...get bent *kidding*

Between Dick Clark and Guy Lombardo, I've had it

I just have to get this out. One of my two least favourite holidays is coming up: New Year’s Eve. I have a problem with St. Valentine’s Day but that will be another blog entry. ;)

New Year’s Eve is a made up holiday for couples. For a single guy it is bottom of the ninth, two outs,two strikes, three balls, bases loaded, down by a run kind of pressure. If you don’t find someone for that 5 hours (because when I party, I party ;) then you can figure people will either assume you are a) a loser or b) gay except that the gay guys are coupled up as well so that brings you back to option a). Now, if any of you are regular readers of my blog, The Tome of Rassilon http://rassilon1.blogspot.com/ now being copied and pasted onto my tagworld space. You will discover that I seem to have had not had the best of luck in relationships. That meaning that guys who dated Lucretia Borgia had a better chance of gettin’ some than I do more often than not. The last New Year’s Eve I can honestly say I enjoyed was about 1984 which I spent with the woman who was the love of my life. So presently 21 New Year’s Eves and counting that suck is not the kind of record I was looking to expand on. At this point, I am looking at lowering my standards to the point where I don’t want a relationship and going for just someone to jump the bones of. I have had some feelers out there ( I HAVE SO!) so the possibility is there.

Ah, who am I kidding. Another New Year’s Eve of popcorn and porn for me. Happy Holidays all :)

Happy Aniversary Baby, got you on my mind.

So how was your weekend, hmmm? Mine was a bit odd but I expected it to be because it included December the third. Now you are probably scratching you noggin saying huh? December 3, 1984 is a very special date for me and I will explain why (as well as why I quoted the lyrics of the Little River Band).

You recall the young woman I have now mentioned on several occasions that I met in London but is originally from Guyana. December 3 is the date of our first meeting. I won’t bore you with the details again as I mentioned them in previous posts (most detailed in "Hello I love you won’t you tell me your name" ). To commemorate the date of our first meeting, whenever it is possible (ie. If I have any cash ) I go out and buy a couple of bottles of blueberry wine which she enjoyed and we had over several candlelit suppers together and drink until it is all gone.

I realize that it is somewhat self abusive but I just can’t give up the thought and the memories of her. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not some sort of stalker and planning to show up on her doorstep with an engagement ring but she will always be a part of my heart and it will always be a special time of my life. There are times like this when I wonder if I will ever be more than a child in the body of an adult because holding on to something like this year in and year out is somewhat akin to a child refusing to give up a favourite toy. Of course as someone else pointed out, "There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish from time to time". Later all and as always comments are not just welcomed they are encouraged.

Shut my mouth...Literally!

I was thinking yesterday that there is something that really bothers me about life presently. I live in Quebec (THAT’s not what bugs me, I’m getting to it) and it is a majority of francophone province. I know that and I am fine with that. In this province we have a government office known as "L’office de la langue Francaise" or as it is more commonly known here in the province, The language police.

Now, for the most part it is a department with more teeth than brain cells active going around making sure that the general populace is not corrupted or seduced by any language other than French. Point of fact, in the mid-Eighties, they were fining and taking to court a bakery owner who had the word welcome translated into about 30 languages besides French and even though French was at the top he was told the other languages were illegal and the sign would have to be changed. This is also the same lot that had Eaton’S become Eaton! because apostrophe’s indicating possession are Anglophone.

But I digress, my problem yesterday arose from a training that I am receiving at work. It is as well a majority francophone establishment and the training is in French. I am cool with that. The thing is yesterday, I discovered that the materials, because the client company who hires my company has offices all over Canada, are also available in English. Apparently, because the company that I work for is in Quebec and has over 50 employees, training is required to be given in French. Of course! Because otherwise I might actually benefit from the training. At the best of times I am not overly fond of bureaucratic bull. I am even less enamoured of them when they inhibit rather than help the individual.

I realize that one of the main reasons that such an establishment is in place to protect the North American minority French populace which is a valid concern. I do not dispute that, however I am being penalized because of it and quite honestly that blows. Geez! Who knew I could speak so poetically.

All touch but no contact

I made an observation about my life yesterday. I realized that it has been well over a year since I have actually had physical contact with a human being outside of a handshake. I am the real life version of Rogue from the X-men except without the cool hairstyle and powers but I do have a gut which dwarfs her breasts in size so I suppose it’s an even trade-off.

You may ask how I got to this point. Really, it’s okay. Ask. I gave you permission. Because quite honestly I don’t know. I suppose it is a side effect from distancing myself from others. Maybe it is near toxic levels of B.O. but I doubt that one. I do shower or bathe once every 24 to 36 hours. Just so I don’t give anyone the wrong impression here, when I talk of human physical contact I am not necessarily talking about intercourse but simply even a kiss be it on the lips or the cheek or a hug (and no! Strippers don’t count ;).

It is interesting just how much we take our sense of touch for granted. At this point, I know that I have but I think I am now a better person for it. It has given me a better appreciation for things that happen day to day that you don’t notice. Like brushing your hand against that special person’s cheek or holding hands. When I was in my 20s, eons ago, I always thought that couples that held hands looked so dopey (of course later, in my first and only real relationship some might argue I carried my love in my arms for a block just to show I could). And to think, originally my topic was going to be a laundry list of "women I would do, given a chance". Not really, but I had you going there for a minute didn't I?

I might have been off-topic, if I had one

Well, I have been giving the topic of the blog a lot of thought lately and for the most part I came up with nothing. I have been drier than… oh man, I can’t even come up with a comparison. The one thing that does come to mind actually ties into a conversation I had yesterday with an attractive woman (read this as my version of kryptonite). I was the topic of discussion (She just couldn’t get enough of me, yeah, I don’t think so , seriously, she's happily married so I was just joking) and I made a confession that I seldom do. The statement was that I don’t necessarily like myself. I do accept myself and I understand the reasoning behind my actions but some improvement needs to take place before I can say that I actually like myself.

I think this stems again in part from that afore-mentioned need to please from an earlier entry. I have a bit of a fear of disappointing someone close to me, therefore I make it very difficult for someone TO get close to me. I think this also tends to attract me to women who would rather have their armpit hair removed with pliers than spend an evening out with me. The ones that are okay with it inevitably end up seeing me as the big brother they never had. Again, I feel that I have a certain lack of connection with humanity because I just can’t figure out why there are guys out there in relationships who fool around on their supposed "girlfriends" or the women will accept a guy that gets tanked and smacks them around or generally just don't give a damn for the person they are with. I realize that not everyone is the same so a single line of logic can’t be generally applied to all circumstances but at the same time, I don’t like mysteries I can’t figure out.

Maybe a previous commenter had the right idea. Maybe I am overanalyzing things and I just need to get laid. ;)

What the HELL was I thinking?

Hi again all. Well to update things a bit here, last weekend I went to a reunion of some of my ex-co-workers which leads into the title for today’s blog entry, ‘What the hell was I thinking?’ First off, I just want to state that I don’t have anything against any of, well most of those people, but quite honestly besides having worked with them I really have nothing in common with them. Basically, it ended up that I went to chat for about 30 minutes, blow $20 and feast on some of the eye candy available.

I did, in true John form, manage to place both of my size 12s in down to my trachea. I was not aware that one of my co-workers had been battling cancer and having gotten my hair cut extremely short that day, I told her that I thought that the barber had gotten a bit close on me but damn! She was cool with it but I still felt like a complete tool. Mind you the aforementioned eye candy did help make up for things although I have decided that one of them I will have nothing to do with basically because each time I try to talk to her it ends up being about as warm as a friendly chat with this computer. I wouldn’t say she is distant but I think SETI would have an easier time having a heart to heart with this woman. I don’t even know why I thought it would be that important to go. I think that over all I place far too much importance on the opinions of others and not enough time trusting my own instincts. I suppose I should take my own advice as such about maintaining friends, buds, pals, associates, companions etc. and treat them with the appropriate respect and consideration but no more than is necessary. I realize it sounds cold and heartless but hey, it’s that kind of world. Not the most heart warming sentiment to start the week off but maybe it’ll pick up as the week goes on

Times Past: Part 1 (?)

Okay, first and foremost, if you have been reading this blog on a regular basis of sorts, sorry for the two week + dry spell. Secondly, I am going to jump right into today’s point of discussion. It may be a bumpy ride so hang on tight.

Last Sunday, I was on Geoffjohns.com checking up on the news and general opinion in the realm of comics when I ran across a post which was somewhat of a call for help wrapped up in the guise of a farewell with a fairly permanent sound to it. I don’t know all the details and I respect the privacy of the poster by not prying. To what I understand, he has gone through a really rough patch and is trying to make sense of it all. Now I have "conversed" with this guy maybe one or two times via postings on the GJ.com message boards but I don’t expect to be on his Christmas card list (or Hannukah or Kwanzaa, I don’t know his beliefs or really anything personal about him) but from what I have been able to gather both from his own postings and discussions about him from other posters he is very intelligent, funny, and caring: all traits to be very proud of and beyond that lies mystery. I am obviously very glad that things didn’t turn out tragically in a permanent sense and that I hope I will be able to "chat" with him on the boards in the future to learn more about him.

As turn about is fair play, I feel that I should share something from my life along the same lines. It was, oof, eons ago, it feels like, I was involved with the young lady I had mentioned in a previous post, who I knew from London, Ontario and who originally came from Guyana. We had been together for some time and the discussion of moving forward in the relationship to the possibility of marriage came up (this was back when marriage was still a popular option for couples ;). I was working as a dishwasher at a country club at the time and she was from a fairly well off family in her home country with ties to the government and during her first year at University in London her cash ran low and she had to go through the Kraft Dinner and ravioli feasts that pretty much everyone has gone through from time to time and it scared her and so we slowly started to break up because she felt I wasn’t going to get much further in life than that (to which, I have more or less proved her right). Within a month, we were no longer a couple. I started getting tanked on Blueberry wine (which was her favourite) and calling up old companions basically to share my misery and ended up losing some companions because of it. Finally, I was miserable and considering offing myself. I was younger, emotional and felt that life had finally decided to go all out in its attempts to metaphorically whack me in the ‘nads.

Obviously the fact that I am typing this shows how it turned out in the end. The things that kept me going were first off, the idea of constant ongoing pain if I failed and I felt that would even include trying sleeping pills overdose etc because I figured they have to pump the stomach and dependant on the damage, well I won’t get into details. Secondly, I never leave a movie halfway through no matter how bad it is (which explains me knowing the full horror of having seen ‘Batman and Robin’ ) and basically I feel my life is like a crap movie with little or no plot, no romantic interest and little characterization (I’m so one dimensional, it’s scary).
Basically, I have been there, done that, taken the tour and bought the T-shirt. Accept the word of one who knows. My advice: You CAN look into the Abyss but to make sure it doesn’t win, stick your tongue out at it when you are there.

This is a recording...

The number you have dialed is not in service. Please check your directory or try your call again. Spooky how well I know that, huh? Anyways, I have changed responsibilities at my job so my entries for the near future may be a bit scatter-shot. I just didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

There she was just a' ridin' down the street...

You know how people sometimes are worried about becoming their parents? This doesn't worry me too much. I mean they are pretty good people so really no worries on that front, no, what I am worried about is becoming a past companion of mine.Quite some time in my past, when I was working as a dishwasher in a country club, I had this bud who was a real "chick chaser". He came in one day and told everybody he had fallen in love with this woman he had met on the bus just 20 minutes ago.

This is where I have the problem. Where I work, I am supposed to be there by 8:00 a.m. so to make sure I get to work on time, I take the bus from my place at about 6:45 so that not only am I early but I am also not crowded in by the students who take the bus. When I take the bus, there are maybe 10 people on it. Now one of these people is one of those pre-packaged women. When I say this, I mean the type that has the dyed blonde hair, the maintained tan, and the make-up like she is going out to a movie premiere and often the wardrobe to match. THIS is what I can't figure out: This woman is NOTHING like the sort of woman I prefer but I still find her eye-catchingly attractive.

Now speaking on a purely physical level, the sort of woman I find attractive is medium build, a very natural look (I mean that make-up is okay but try and keep it from looking like you have put a few HOURS work into it), long hair (preferably red or brunette) and clothed in something that doesn't try to put everything you have on display (ex. a bustier that puts your nipples up around your neck). Why don't I just go full out and start chasing Dolly Parton, I mean she has the full package doesn't she, the rack, the blonde hair, caked on make-up and well okay she has widened into a real woman's figure as oppposed to just top-heavy. I know, I know, it's odd but I don't find what is societally considered beautiful to be my definition of beautiful but at the same time, someone who does fall into those parameters does get my juices flowing. I guess I am just a mass of contradictions.

Now where did I leave that phone booth? ;)

This past weekend I was asked a question which has been asked of me before and I think does deserve an answer. Why do I like Science-Fiction, Time Travel and comic books? It’s a legitimate question and I think one that I finally am able to answer. Because it’s better than what we have.

One of the main things in all those topics (for the most part) is a central character trying to make the world (or worlds) a better place. They may not succeed but they try and largely because it’s the right thing to do. This leads to a large part of the frustration that I often feel in my own life. I try to do the right thing and sometimes it blows up in my face, sometimes it doesn’t. I realize that the world is not a black and white environment but there are some things that are clearly right or wrong. It was a few years ago in the winter and I was heading home from work and this young woman was having a difficult time managing her shopping bags coming from the grocery store. I was in no great rush, so I offered to help her carry some of the bags to her apartment not because I thought it would "get me some" but because I saw someone who needed the help. When I was living in Toronto and again when I was living in Calgary one of the things I used to do on pay days would be to stop by McDonalds and pick up a second breakfast and give it to some homeless person along the way to work. These aren’t big things that have far-reaching effects but they were the right thing to do.

The thing of it is that sometimes I hold myself to too high a standard, an unachieveable one and then end up getting frustrated because of it. As opposed to being content with what I have accomplished; I get frustrated about what I could have accomplished. I think this, in part is what led to the breakup of one of my relationships. The woman I was seeing at the time felt that I didn’t have that drive to get ahead and at the time, I agreed with that assessment. In the present, I have revised my opinion. It’s not that I do not have a drive to succeed, it’s that I want to be able to help others succeed as well.

So why don’t I get the girl?

WHEEL……OF………FORTUNE!!!! Not really ;)

Today I would like to talk about the lottery. To start off, I will freely admit I play the lottery. Each week, I pay $2 (whoaaaaaa! Big money there my ol' son ;) to play the Super 7 lottery, which, if any of the Americans I sent this to don’t know is a lottery where you have to choose 7 numbers out of 49 and if you match all 7 you win the jackpot which is a minimum of $2, 000, 000.

There are several ways of seeing things: Some people see it as an idiot tax. You pay money and get nothing back. Personally, I see it as a license to dream. For that $2 (occasionally $4 if the jackpot is like $20, 000, 000 or more) I can dream what I would do if that money was mine (THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO USE THE COMMENTS FOR A "MAKE BIG MONEY FAST BY CHECKING OUT THIS WEBSITE, I DID !" PIECE OF SPAM) I can tell you from a start, this lone traveler would definitely get back into traveling. I haven't seen anyplace new and it's about time I did. I would also get back in touch with old companions and friends as well as taking the time to mend a few bridges that I have tried to let a few oceans pass under (how's that for a mixed metaphor, hmmm?) The motivating force for the traveling would probably be a lack of desire to have every one that normally would not give me the time of day calling to become my best friend (mind you, if they are hot, I will allow them to make the attempt ;). As stupid as it sounds, that kind of coin could help solve a lot of problems and right more than a few wrongs from my past and maybe even help me right a few wrongs from my future as well.

So that’s it for this week. I'll be back on Monday and hopefully the caffeine will have taken effect.

Tell me honestly, do I look fat in this blog?

Sorry I’m late today. I just had a blast of originality and inspiration in my screenplay that I have been working on over the past year. I believe I mentioned it before. It deals with an amnesiac who…nah, I better not give too much away. Suffice it to say that it has it all. Sex, violence, emotion and I have (for the most part) avoided the standard clichés. I haven’t as yet completed the script but I already have someone lined up for the male lead, the tougher part will be finding the actress as the film will require one or two scenes of male and female nudity and finding someone comfortable in their skin is tough whatever the sex.

This brings me to today’s topic which is personal acceptance of physical appearance. This is a subject I really shouldn't talk too much about as if there is anyone who is less accepting of their physical appearance than myself, I haven't met them. I tend to think that I have looks that would make Dr. Doom have a case of the heaves. This may seem like a contradiction of terms but although I KNOW that is not the case, it FEELS quite often like it is which is ironic when women are normally known for a problem with physical and body image. And I know for a fact that nothing drives me crazier than a beautiful woman who talks about how unattractive she is. I have known more than my fair share. There was a woman who I mentioned in a previous entry who has a hubby that basically just can't keep it in his pants and she is always at the gym or doing something to beautify herself to keep his interest. (Okay, I'm infatuated with her but it's just physical and besides the point for the purpose of this discussion:)

Personally I prefer a woman with a few flaws. I wouldn’t want a supermodel type. I mean, who needs that kind of pressure and as to the weight thing. Gimme some meat on them bones and some junk in the trunk I would like to know that if I go to hug someone, odds are that I won't miss ;). That being said, I do tend to shy away from someone who has to bathe themselves with a rag on a stick. As a counterpoint I don't tend to like women who are large breasted. I think that is probably due to some that I have been involved with in the past. Not that large breasted women tend to be excessively heavy but I think I am digressing from my original point by trying to lay down covering apologies.

Well, that's today's meal of food for thought. Bon Appetit. ;)

Bouncing Boy (I couldn't land on just one subject)

There is something depressing about birthdays after a certain point. I don't know about anyone else but after you reach the age of about 10 or 12 the excitement level drops. I mean, do you remember how excited you were as a kid with the idea that you MIGHT receive something like a Hot Wheels track, an album (really showing my age here) or a video game for some of you younger gens. Something changes though when if you want something and you can just go out and buy it for yourself. I miss the adrenalin/endorphin levels that came with youth. I can't say what I really want for my birthday but I do know I won't be getting it. I won't get into detail but the phrase "C'mon honey, I promise to use lots of lube." might have come up in the conversation ;)

My big excitement (payday still being three days away) is watching Fort Boyard while chomping down on the butterscotch ripple ice cream I bought last night and maybe putting a few more rows on my scarf (I'm still only at 10 and a half feet.). I suppose the mood today is in part due to the dark grey weather in the area. Part of it might be guilt though as well because I forgot someone on my first-string romantic interests. At least that part I can fix.

This is again when I was living in London Ontario lo, those many years ago. At the country club that I was working at, there was this woman that I was working with that I palled around with and I went to a couple of movie premieres with. Well she had a daughter who was about 22 or so that worked once in a while at the country club as well. She was also a winning contestant in some Hawaiian Tropic contest and well deserved the title. We also occasionally went out for a movie. Before you get the wrong idea, my hanging out with her mom was not a romantic thing. No Springer episodes in the making here. Anywho, me and the daughter hung out for a time and while there wasn't anything between us explicitly romantic, the possibility was there. Well maybe not, she could do better than me with a concussion and half blind. I still have a picture of her from a fashion show that is almost 20 years old at this point.

I realize that today's entry is a bit self-pitying but then again you never know what to expect from this blog do you? I'll give it another shot tomorrow.

Hello, I love you, won`t you tell me your name?

Okay, I’ll confess. I don’t look most people in the eyes when I talk to them. Generally, I try to look at the point just above a person’s nose between the two eyes because there is something about the experience that I am just very uncomfortable with. Before I get responses to this however, with the exception of when I am at a peeler bar, I do not generally look a woman straight in the nipples. The reason I bring this up is because of a woman that I used to work with that I met yesterday at the mall. She is the ONLY woman that I look in the eyes because I get mesmerized. She has two different coloured eyes and I think the reason I can look her in the eyes (and this is just a weird analysis of my psyche) is because it is like talking to two different people and it would be rude to neglect one or the other.

I suppose that with another of my countless birthdays that I am getting a bit introspective about my past. Admittedly, the young lady I was referring to was not a major part of my past although we did get along well but it did get me thinking. I’m not going to re-hash the situation between the young lady I mentioned in the blog entry entitled "And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like…" but when you have lived as long as I have its almost inevitable that you will get involved with someone on some level. I’m not sure that I can say that I loved any one of them. There are times that I honestly think I don’t even know what the term means (this comes from years of distancing yourself from others). But there have been special people in my life.
There was a young mother of two great kids that used to work at the restaurant with myself and the other young woman I mentioned with the two different coloured eyes and to say that I was interested in her was definitely an understatement but she was married so it was a hands-off scenario. After about 2 years of knowing her, her husband decided to leave her and the kids. I did what I could to console her but I didn’t do anything too pushy or anything because I felt she needed the chance to sort things out for herself before getting involved with anyone. After about 2 days, she hooked up with a friend of the family and they have been together since. The last time I saw her was at the same restaurant after it moved and before it went under. I have no idea where she is or what she is doing now, but I hope that she is happy.

I happened to work with a very attractive (read that as HOT!) young woman in Calgary who I was interested in for some time and finally worked up the courage to ask out to the second Austin Powers movie (showing my age here aren’t I?). I had a great time but I can’t say it was a mutual thing. I think in large part because I kept on looking at her instead of the movie which may have creeped her out a bit. I asked if she wanted to go for coffee afterwards and was quickly told no and after that, things were a bit awkward between us. I tend to disbelieve that old adage of "Better to have loved and lost…etc."

There is one young woman who will always have a special place in my heart (again assuming I have one) and this is the only woman I ever proposed to. It was the mid-80s and I was new to London, Ontario. I was working at a country club and was listening to the radio when I called in and won two tickets to the premiere of the movie "Young Sherlock Holmes". As I didn’t really know anyone in the area, I offered them to a co-worker so she and her boyfriend could go. The radio station was on the outskirts of town and I got there a bit before 5:45. I picked up the tickets and went out for the bus to catch it on the turn around. As I was waiting, an attractive young woman came up and we started talking. I showed her a present I got for my best friend (who I have mentioned several times in this blog thus far) and also mentioned my plans for the tickets when she practically floored me by asking me if I wanted to go with her. After the shock wore off, I said yes and we exchanged numbers. Premiere night came and we had a great time and I was lost just looking at her beautiful face. Just to show how gushing I can be, at the point where I had to get off the bus I just spontaneously grabbed her and kissed her deeply. It was the beginning of December but that kiss kept me warm for the remaining 20 minutes walk home. We were together about a year. She originally came from Guyana, South America so I have no idea literally where in the WORLD she could be.

I am not really sure what I intended this entry to be about. I suppose it is a bit of reflection and wool-gathering. I decided to keep this brief believe it or not so as not to overwhelm anyone. I might do this again in the future, so you have all been warned ;)

And now a word from our sponsors ;)

Something happened yesterday which inspired today’s blog entry. I had a response which made me realize that sometimes what I put down here can be misinterpreted so today is kind of a "viewer mail" Well….that and I had a couple of other thoughts for today’s entry but they were really on the weak side ;).

First off, going back to September 19th, my entry on ‘Princess’ and the fact that I now find myself paying attention to the wrong body parts when I talk to her. I whole heartedly agree that guilt is mostly a wasted emotion but at the same time I feel that almost everyone is worthy of my respect and to deny it based on a physicality that I seem unable to ignore is wrong. At this point, I am maintaining the complete professional persona when I interact with her.

Secondly, on the idea of how the physical appearance can effect interactions (which after the other entry I just commented on makes me realize this is a trend in my life) well, I contacted the respondent in question and I think the way I put it there might clear things up for everyone, also if this was misinterpreted I would like to consider this an apology to the woman in question.

The point I was making was simply that I am not immune to a person’s physicality
just as the woman who was frightened of me couldn’t get past mine. I do realize
that she has needs like anyone else and I also realize that her husband is cool
with her appearance and I think that’s great as well. I just meant it especially
in this context as an example of how shallow I can be at times. I realize that
it is what on the inside not the outside that is important and as I mentioned we
got along great during my time at XXXXXXXXXXXXX. It was not meant as a shot
against her quite the opposite, it was a shot against me. Also, I’m a guy we
ALWAYS think about doing it (just kidding ;)

Next, this is less of a response than a comment and I am probably shouting at the world on this one. This is a blog, not a bulletin board for other websites. If you enjoy a website or work for one, get your own blog and promote it up the wazoo if you want (I am trying to keep this all ages, remember) but I would prefer you not do it here. If I find one I like, I do try and let people know about it but that again is because it’s my blog. AT THE SAME TIME, I don’t want to scare anyone away from commenting on this blog. I really appreciate the feedback I get and look forward to more in the future. If you agree with things I say, I’d like to know. If you think I’m being a real knob, I’d like to know. It’s only with fresh points of view that I feel that I grow as a person…Man! That sounds so Dr. Phil, doesn’t it. I better get back to my coffee y’all. See you next week.

Oh, I almost forgot. Hi Marie-Helene. *Wave*

Nothing new under the sun? Not on my watch!

Sorry I’m late on today’s entry. I have been waiting for my coffee to take effect;) I was thinking today about the concept of originality. There are a few things that brought this to mind. Yesterday the first issue of a comic mini-series ‘Infinite Crisis’ came out by one of my favourite comic book writers, Geoff Johns and true to his style, you are never quite sure what is going to come up next. I am also trying to get a bit further along in my screenplay that I believe I mentioned in another entry and finally I had a discussion about how there seem to be a plethora of movies based on old TV shows.

I realize that in some manner or other that almost everything has been done at some point in the past so actual originality is near impossible but it shouldn’t keep us from trying to be original in things. This has been very evident to me since I started writing my aforementioned screenplay. I am trying to avoid all the movie clichés and in doing so, end up using others I didn’t realize until I wrote it. Even at that I try to put my spin on things. For example, it is a emotional movie with action that is performed for the most part by a woman (she even gets to take a swing at me). In ‘Infinite Crisis’ which is DC Comics big event for the end of this year and the beginning of next, the story deals with the heroes dealing with the concept of what brought us to this point. It’s been done before but part of the twist this time is that Wonder Woman killed another character who was mind controlling Superman into killing Batman. As to the movie thing, the one that pops to mind is ‘Bewitched’ which, if you ask me was one of the most racist TV series in the subtext. Think about it, the wife has to hide her heritage from the world because her husband is opposed to it and he can’t stand her family because they don’t bother to do the same. I think I would have occasionally turned him into a chimpanzee myself if I had been in their place. The movie however dealt with them making a movie based on the TV series and the actress happens to be a witch. Again, an old idea with a personal twist. I feel this trend towards trying to be original should be rewarded and applauded. I have no problem with a back to basics approach to stuff but you have to have left square one at some time to be able to go BACK to it.

She has a perfect right (and the left ain`t bad either;)

There are times that I forget that I strike fear into the hearts of women that I encounter. Now THERE'S an innocuous start to today's blog entry.;)

Now before we start on the wrong foot, I don't want you to think that I am some sort of slavering monster ripping tops off of women and forcing my attentions on them. I have just found that, time and again, being heavy and about six foot two inches in height, that I do tend to be more misinterpreted than an Islamic translation of the Kama Sutra. I am about the only one I know who has been "talked to" about giving Christmas cards with more than Happy Holidays written in them. I am the only guy I know who has been accused of sexual harassment by a woman who told me that she owns underwear with cows on them (that is a bit longer story).

Yesterday was another in a long archive of my alleged transgressions. I was taking the bus home with a young woman who works at the same place that I do and each time I looked towards her, almost without exception, she put her arm up to cover her breasts. They were ample so it did make it a bit of a challenge, but come on! * initiate sarcasm mode * Yes, I am certainly going to make a grab someone's breasts on a ¾ full city bus. I lack even that much restraint when confronted with a passably attractive woman *sarcasm mode deactivated * Don't get me wrong. I am well aware that it is a very scary world and a person has every right to defend themselves (just ask Charlton Heston if you don't believe me ;) but by the same token not every male that has managed to develop pubic hair is a serial rapist either. I am also well aware that I cannot change the world and if you have read some of the other entries in this blog you can see that is a very good thing but it doesn't stop me from trying.

I suppose that I am a bit hypocritical though when it comes to physical appearance. When I was living in Calgary, my boss at one of the places I worked was burned over a large part of her body as a child. Now she was one of the most charming and real women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and we got along great. She has a husband and I believe 2 kids which she gave birth to. This is where I had problems. Like I said, we got along great but every time I thought of her doing the deed let's just say 'my boys' would retract so far you would have thought I was a hermaphrodite. Thus, sainthood is not in my immediate future.

Anyways, that's my topic for today so Good Day, eh? I'm goin' for a beer and some back bacon ;)

Lie down. I think I love you ;)

I was thinking last night how I would like to be a father. That being said, I think I’ll have to find a woman willing to sleep with me first (I’m old-fashioned that way ;). The reason this came up was because I was talking to a friend about an old companion of mine and how she has lost interest in her children. Well that may be a bit unfair, it was more to the extent that she tends to put herself before her children which seems to be a bit of a trend but I don’t want this to be a bitch session about her (my ex-companion not my friend).

There are times I do tend to be a bit over responsible but when it comes to having and raising a child I feel that’s a definite plus. When you have a child, that child should be one of the main focuses of your life, not something that you look into when you don’t have anything else on the go or ‘King of Queens’ is a rerun that night. There are sacrifices that have to be made from time to time because of this, but anything worth having requires sacrifice and sorry to say but it can be a life time sacrifice but anyone I have talked to that has kids that loves their kids will tell you it’s worth it.

My big concern if I DID become a parent is that I wouldn’t be able to balance things. I am afraid that either I would let the kid get away with murder (hopefully, I would be speaking figuratively) or the kid would be constantly grounded because I would always be grounding him or her. On the other hand, I suppose the fact that I would worry about that would help keep me grounded. And as I mentioned earlier, at the very least, I would be paying attention to the kid which would put me ahead of others out there.

Just to clear up one point this morning, before I go. Adoption is a great thing and if I knew that I could support someone besides myself I would definitely consider it as an option however my first choice would be a child created with myself and someone that I care about deeply and I would love that child just as much as one I had from my own gene structure. Well, I have a short weekend so I suppose that I should dismount that high horse I am on at the moment and think of what to talk about on Monday.

Curiousity killed the cat, regeneration brought it back

For those of you not fortunate to spend an evening at the movies last night, I died. No, I didn’t give a bad performance; I had my brains splattered on the floor and then was fried up and eaten by my killer. Well there’s a cheery start to a blog entry for a Thursday morning ;)

This does, however, lead me into my topic for today, life after death. NOW, before you all start thinking, ‘Man, another Jesus Freak!’ I want to clarify my statement. I do not have any strong faith one way or another with respect to God as described by the church. I do believe that there must be some sort of higher authority but I’m not egotistical enough to say that I KNOW what it is. ACTUALLY, what I wanted to discuss is the idea of reincarnation. I do tend to think that it is possible and that we are each eons old. I tend to see it the scientific way : people tend to refer to their souls often as their life force or some other form of energy and science talks about energy not being created or destroyed just changing shape but just as with a lot of energy flows there are peaks and valleys. I personally think that I am in a bit of a valley in this persona. There is an aspect of me that feels like an ancient soul. Like I have seen all of this before and a certain disinterest. This also might have something to do with the patronizing attitude that I can sometimes give to people, the "accept the word of one who knows" that I come off with from time to time. This also can somewhat account for the sense of having been in certain places before when I know in this life that I haven’t.

Existentialism is always fun on Thursday mornings isn’t it? If I have been reincarnated I hope it’s not from some famous historical figure. That puts a fair amount of pressure to live up to your last life, doesn’t it? Well, that’s it for today. I’ll try and come up with some worthwhile reading for tomorrow to start the weekend off right. Later all.

Beep! Beep! Zip! Tang!

I’m not usually the type to comment on current affairs. I figure there are more than enough people out there that are just eager to do so. In yesterday’s news however something came up which kind of compels me to comment on it. Today I want to discuss photo radar.

The thing that caught my attention was that when a gentleman was asked his opinion on the subject he was opposed to it because "It’s an invasion of my rights." To which I replied watching this, "huh?" As I see it, you are out in public interacting with other citizens and if you are breaking the law and are filmed doing so you should get ticketed or arrested or whatever is appropriate.

If I were suddenly to go into the City Centre and start masturbating like someone was going to take it away and someone took a video or photographed me with a camera which gives the date and time, I would expect to be arrested or fined or whatever even if I got the summons several weeks later. I would have broken the law and been presented with the proof. Apparently, I have been informed that in Quebec that the ticket is supposed to be handed to the lawbreaker. Honestly, I don’t really see the difference. Either way if it is immediate or mailed to the person, the first thing they are going to say is that they weren’t speeding.

There are a great many people who I believe think that the Grand Prix is run year round and on city streets. If you want a driver’s permit prove you deserve it and obey the rules of the road not just those you think should apply to you otherwise they catch you, one way or another.

Gosh Mr. George Bailey, isn`t it a wonderful life?

I thought I might start off today's entry (after several days away form blogging) with a quote that might help kind of explain things

Every great decision creates ripples, like a huge boulder dropped into a lake.
The ripples merge, rebound off the banks in unforseeable ways. The heavier the
decision, the larger the waves, the more uncertain the consequences.

To a certain extent, I’d like to think of myself as the fulcrum that helped move that boulder that I may have helped people make their decisions or helped change things for the better but I am wondering if I HAVE changed things for the better or for the worse or if I have made any changes at all.

Recently, my bestest friend commented that when I was asked how things were going, I was commenting on news in everyone else’s as opposed to my own. I am wondering if that is because a part of me is trying to define itself by interactions with others to try and define a purpose in my life and theirs. (It’s amazing what you come up with before the first shot of the ol’ Java jolt)Really, I suppose this is something that everyone goes through in their lives, the age old question as to what is my purpose here?

This is obviously something I won’t be able to come up with an answer for in just one blog entry. It is something that is definitely going to take some time, if I ever find an answer. I would like to think that I follow the hypocratic oath’s premise of doing no harm but at the same time even a plague of locusts or a volcano, though seeming to be something horrible can have beneficial after effects. Don’t worry, I’m not going to become a mad scientist or even a cow tipper. It’s just the idea that everything isn’t black or white but at the end of the day you do have to account for your actions and I wonder on which side I will be considered as being on.

May I help you? Hell NO!

I am really disappointed in what passes for customer service. I have had two less than satisfying experiences in the past week. You judge for yourself as to whether I am in the right or I’m out of line on this.
Example One: The end of July I went to Wal-Mart to pick up Season One and Two on DVD which had a reduced price by about $20. They didn’t have it but told me that it was going to be the regular price so I could pick it up in a week or so. I didn’t believe them so I went to the customer service counter where I finally convinced them to give me a rain check. A month later as I am starting my holidays, I go back to see when they are expecting the DVDs in. I have the cashier take my information down and tell me that I will be called by Wednesday. I have a new answering machine which is always on so no problems. We now jump ahead another two weeks and I go to Wal-Mart and ask what about my call. The cashier puts the info into the little scanner thing and informs me that not only do they not have it but they can’t order it. Ever. I am told if I want to register a complaint, I can fill out the form they have which is sent to the President as well as the Store Manager, a form only in French because apparently English people don’t make purchases in Quebec.
Example Two: I received a card indicating that I had a parcel waiting for me at the post office in a pharmacy. I was trying to get across town to get the parcel. I was going to be delayed downtown so I called the post office and told her I was going to be a few minutes late so could she hold on for about another 2 or 3 minutes or alternatively could she put it aside with say the cosmetics so I could pick it up. It was 5:20 and she informed me that she works until 5:30 not 5:35. Under my breath, I thanked her ( a bit of venom rising) and tried to make my way to the postal counter. I arrived at 5:33 and true to her word she was gone and everything was locked up.
Now I do customer service as a job. I like to think I do a half way decent job of it as well, helping the customer where I can and taking the extra time where necessary and if it means a few extra minutes or doing a bit of extra work, then that is what it takes. Is this outdated thinking? I would like to think not but maybe I’m kidding myself. Well that’s today’s rant, about 4 hours later than planned but I get there in the end ;)

My Relative Dimentia ;)

So, I've been doing this blog now for about two weeks and I have realized that although I have named it after a science-fiction (or scientifiction as it was known in the 30s and 40s) I haven't really made much in the way of reference to Sci-Fi. I am planning to make amends now. Those of you not into this, I hope to see you tomorrow (read chapters 3 and 4 of your textbook and don't forget the permission slips signed by your parents ;)

So, today I want to discuss the new Doctor on Doctor Who, David Tennant. More specifically, I want to discuss what has been chosen as the new basis for his costume. As I have seen in the promotional pictures thus far, it is a brown pinstripe suit and sneakers. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with the costume but at the same time, I have always found The Doctor's wardrobe to be somewhat unique and stylish, this is more easily a blend into the crowd kind of outfit. Think about it, he is an alien who can travel throughout time and space and the outfits he is choosing is standard 20-21st century businesswear. According to Russel T. Davies via Doctor Who Magazine the reason is that they didn't want it to look like a costume, they just wanted it to look more like clothes but for the most part the first three Doctors (William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, and Jon Pertwee) had a great style sense but it didn't come across as a costume as such. Even Tom Baker managed to pull it off to some extent even with a 20 foot long scarf.

Just to be clear, I AM a fan and I AM looking forward to "The Christmas Invasion" which will be the first story to feature Mr. Tennant as the tenth Doctor. I want the series to succeed and run as long as possible but at the same time blind loyalty helps no one and this is just my opinion which I don't expect to change anything. Actually, that brings up another point, with him being able to travel in time AND SPACE why did all the ninth Doctor's stories take place on Earth or in orbit above it? The only thing I come up with is that while the series was establishing itself, the BBC didn't want to go for everything at once to upset or confuse viewers but would ONE alien planet have killed them?

Finally, for anyone in the Sherbrooke QC area. A week from tonight is the premiere of a local movie I performed in (Man, did I ever end up looking like Ricky from Trailer Park Boys) at the Granada Theatre in downtown Sherbrooke as part of the monthly film festival. There isn't an entry charge just a suggested donation and the fun starts about 7:30 p.m. I'll probably be mentioning this in most if not all the posts until then. Until then, so sorry must dash.

The long awaited Liana K post (well I was waiting to see what I'd say;)

A while ago (September 14th to be exact) I made mention of a young woman by the name of Liana K from the TV show Ed's Night party ( http://www.edthesock.com ) and I have since had people ask about who I was talking about. Ok, I can understand. The show isn't exactly on the same distribution level of say Baywatch. So here goes.

Ed's night party is a show hosted by Ed the sock who is a grey sock with green hair who smokes a cigar. The show is co-hosted by Liana K (as there are several Kirsners in the production team including a Liana Kirsner, I am assuming that the K stands for Kirsner). The show consists of several other young woman with a guy in a hot tub, affectionately known as the "wank tank", a short interview segment known as "Close Edcounters" and verbal parrying between Liana and Ed. Imagine "Married...with Children" as a talk show.

If you followed the link I added earlier, you will see several promotional pictures of Ms. K, testifying to the fact that she does indeed have great physical beauty and while I know that most of the show is scripted, I do sense that there is some improv which suggests that Liana is also very intelligent. Basically, she dishes it out as good as she gets it. From reading her blog, I have also determined that she is very willing to speak her mind; a very admirable quality.

A few weeks ago, I was watching the show and during the episode the subject of turds came up (well, I am trying to keep this an all-ages blog ;) and width and length was discussed. During the course of the discussion, Ms. K stated it was something that didn't affect her because she was a vegetarian. I still can't figure out why but when she said that, all of a sudden she wasn't as hot as she was 30 seconds before. Physically, she hadn't changed nor mentally but all of a sudden I was like "ehn, whatever." I KNOW it's shallow, but there you have it.

Of course, they also have this really hot, chesty african-canadian dancer so I'll keep watching. Have a good day all!

Cloudbursting

Today's post title comes courtesy of Kate Bush. I was introduced to her music in the mid-80s by a very special someone. I chose it today as it seemed somewhat fitting.

It is a grey and rainy morning with rain scheduled to continue until about tomorrow morning and it somewhat matches my mood. Since about Friday I have been old and pointless. Just going through the motions because it's something to do. It was author Steve Englehart who once wrote, "My world goes a little crazy sometimes." Okay, so he was writing about Batman and I'm not being inundated by Joker fish but the sentiment is relevant. I was talking to my best friend last Friday evening when she pointed out that the news I was relaying was about others and when it came to my news, there wasn't much to tell. I think this is in part from an observation that another bud of mine made that I do tend to repeat myself. This is true not only in conversation but also in my life in general. I tend to get involved with the same type of people time and again and as a result, my life goes through the same cycles. I have to start thinking outside the cliched box. I tend to be stuck in the past because I know the territory so well ;).

This, I think, is because when I try to make changes they are seldom accepted by others. For example, all I have to do is to try and show appreciation for someone (ex. pick up something that they may have mentioned their kid was looking for or just a flower on a sunny day) and immediately it is decided that my life can't go on without my trying to get into their panties. I really don't think I have accomplished much in today's entry. Well, there's always Tuesday.

dating and relationships as a necessary evil ;)

I have been thinking about dating and meeting people for the past few days because a buddy of mine and I are probably going out on the weekend to see if we can meet some new people. The bar environment isn't one I can honestly say that I'm comfortable in. But how else do you meet people? The places you can meet people has mutated in the past few decades. If you were in school and tried to ask someone out who ended up wasn't interested they'd probably shoot you. If you ask someone at work if they want to go for coffee you get slapped by a sexual harassment suit. Then there are the old reliables, the library and the church, both known for their "Girls gone wild" attitudes.

Seriously though, what I am looking for in a woman, and I have used this description numerous times, is someone I can go with for dinner, movie and a bit of dancing on a Saturday night and curl up on the couch and watch old movies on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Before anyone mentions it. I do realize, being at least somewhat human, that in ANY relationships arguments occur and it isn't all cheery 24/7. Even I'm not that niave but on a general basis this is what I would be looking for in a relationship.

The problem, I guess, is trying to figure out what the opposite sex is looking for. I'd almost have to be a centipede to count the women I have known who have been involved with a guy who is an alcoholic or smacks them around or cheats on them repeatedly and keeps having them come back. I have a perfect example of the last one especially.

There is this woman I have known for about fifteen or more years at this point. She is intelligent, charming, has a great job and is very beautiful. Almost each and every year her husband, who she has had two kids with, cheats on her. She knows it. Everyone who knows her knows it, but each and every time she takes him back. It just boggles my mind. She could have any man she pleases and she continually puts up with the disrespect.

Maybe that's the big stumbling block for me. When I am looking for someone, it's someone I can respect as well as love. Somehow, John bum, bum, bum, the bad boy doesn't quite work for me but maybe asking for someone I can respect as well as date is asking for too much doing so. That's it! I have simple tastes! I only want the best ;)

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like...

I was realizing last night that I am a bit self-abusive. Now before the worry of my hairy palms, going blind as well as flagging this blog, let me explain. This isn't really a new realization but I tend to, on a almost daily basis, will remember something that I did wrong. It can be something from a week ago or it can be decades past. Either way, I will berate myself on it and then get on with the day. Some do last longer but generally within about five minutes, it's done. The problem is that guilt for the most part is a wasted emotion. The past is immutable. You'd think someone as interested in science fiction time travel could figure at least that much out.

This brings me to today's entry. In kind of a contradiction of what I have just said, I am making a very public apology to someone from my past. About three years ago, I met a wonderful young woman via the net. We had quite a bit in common and she made me laugh, think, as well as care (well she didn't MAKE me care, I wanted to do that;) The problem was we had the better part of the continent separating us. She was (and I'm assuming still is) very intelligent, driven and charming. Anyways after about a year, she met someone else who could give her all that I could and more and he was local. I understood and I would never want to stand in her way. They were happy and we remained in friendly contact. Then I called one day and true to my timing, the day
I called was the day that he passed. I offered my condolences and sent a sympathy card (I would have sent flowers but it was between paydays and my cc was overlimit as it was). I tried calling a few days later and the number was no longer in service. I found out by email that she was feeling overwhelmed by calls by her late boyfriend's family. I figured when she was cool she would give me the new number. After a while, the emails stopped as well.

I realize at this point that I was an annoying pain in the ass who once again had done more damage than good. Although she said I wasn't, her actions have stated that she felt differently. I feel sad and guilty that I screwed up something so lovely. Therefore, today's lesson: I am John and there is nothing so good that I cannot screw it up.

On the lighter side. I found this hilarious site which any comic or super-hero movie fan will love. It's http://yearone.spiderspawn.com

Temporal Instability

Every time that I start one of these (every time? This like what? My fifth entry) I keep saying to myself "Today`s topic is..." followed by Rick Moranis' voice saying "Back Bacon and uh, snow chains". Just one of the bonuses of watching a lot of SCTV with The Great White North when I was younger.

Actually age is my subject today...I think....No, it is...Yeah, that's it. You may have noticed that I don't happen to mention my age in here and in general I don't mention it. Even when I am directly asked I have to think about it because I don't think of myself in those terms. Generally, when I am asked my age, I tell people the truth. "I am older than I was and younger than I will be." Despite general opinion though, it's not vanity which prompts this answer, it's pre-conceived notions.

I have found that when you actually tell people what year you were born in there tends to be a lot of "Well you were there for that" or when referring to a person or trend it's "That was cool. What were they like when you first saw them." In that case, I am thinking more of musical groups doing comebacks and that sort of thing.

I prefer to be accepted for my own ideas and not just have it assumed that I will have certain opinions or preferences based on my period of existence. Each person is a unique being. In all of the Universe (even if a multiverse does exist) throughout all time. Each person and their experiences are specific to them and should not be assumed. This is not just a temporal thing but all sorts of things are pre-concieved in our interactions with each other.

I guess that's it for today. I'm not as insightful as I thought at the moment. I guess the coffee hasn' t taken effect yet. Maybe if I pour it down my pants. Nah, I'll save that for if things get drastic.



P.S. The Village People were NEVER cool! That's today's message.

Or are you just pleased to see me

This is a post I have kind of been looking forward to. It is dealing with my friends. All 4 of them. Yes, I said 4 and I am proud of the fact. When I use the term friend, it means something. It's not something easy to attain and not something I take lightly when someone I know has earned the privilege.

I have a great many buds, pals, associates, acquaintances, companions and the like which I consider as different levels of access to me but those I consider friends are people I would give a lung to (for a transplant, not as a Christmas gift ;) As I have said previously, I am not planning to name names in this blog and this goes for this entry especially as I don't want to alienate anyone with my words, but I think those four people already know who they are.

As well, there are those in exclusive categories which are outside definition. Lovers, for example. Not that that group is exactly a legion but at the same time, I have tried to retain a specific aspect of those I have been intimate with in honor of those special women. It's where I cultivated my interest in art and Kate Bush music. It's what has motivated me to try and express myself through writing. It has taught me that the world exists beyond the distance of my visual range and that I need to explore that restriction. It's where I started to learn cooking something a bit more complex than a Swanson TV dinner and it's where I learned to enjoy drinking beer...Well, maybe it hasn't ALL been 100% positive.

I suppose that with my friends there is a bit of coveting that goes on because they each have some qualities that I would like to see more of in myself and maybe by hanging around them, I suppose that some of it will rub off. At the same time, I do realize that like everyone they have faults as well but the good far, far outweighs any possible bad.

So yeah, I have just four friends but in those four friends I feel that I have something special, something invaluable. I won't cheapen it by calling just anyone a friend because I can't think of anything else to call them. They deserve my respect and it's freely given.

Then there are those, I just want to jump their bones. But I digress...

How do you do? I`m John. Care for a jelly baby?

I just realized that I haven`t introduced myself yet. That was rude of me. Unfortunately I don`t have a great intro line so I`ll just get right into it. I`m John and I am located in the province of Quebec in Canada (despite the provincial government`s opinions Quebec is the province and Canada is the country ;) I consider myself a citizen of the world as opposed to a nationality firstly because I believe that the world is quickly becoming a smaller place and secondly because I know far too many people who use their nationality to define who they are and sometime limit who they are. I prefer to have my opinions taken for what they are and not representative as being part of a particular community. I am an old soul who does not suffer fools gladly.

What does this mean? Basically, we all have some grey matter between our ears and as I have often said: The brain is the muscle that requires the most exercise but frequently recieves the least. An example of this is an associate of mine who listens to a lot of talk radio. If you want to know what the radio station`s opinion of something in the news is, he will quote it to you as his opinion several days later, practically verbatim. This comes up a lot in the media when people are strongly for or against something because someone has told them that they should be. Ask your own questions. Have your own opinions. If you feel about something, have a reason why you feel that way. While sheep are tasty to eat, I have no desire to have a conversation with one.

Let`s see, what else about me? Well as mentioned in a previous post, I am devoutly heterosexual sometimes to my own detriment. I have an ability to be attracted to women who are generally never attracted to me or if they do, I tend to sabotage myself by putting a distance between us for "their own protection" and my four friends are precious to me (my next entry will be on my definition of friendship and kind of a tribute to those I call friends). I am emotional but every chance I get I try to suppress my emotions. I enjoy watching Doctor Who and reading comics I guess primarily because on some level I feel it gives me hope that on some level humanity has potential and is capable of improving above a lot of the pointless squabbles we find ourselves in (see also Citizen of the world earlier in this same post) and also the idea that once in a little while that maybe the right thing is accomplished. Actually, I think Colin Baker got it right when describing his interpretation of The Doctor:

"He has an essential belief in the rightness of things and if things aren't
right then he feels compelled to do something about it and right doesn't always
necessarily mean beautiful, happy or pretty but right, it's got to be right."

Well that`s about it for now. If you want to comment go ahead. If not, that`s fine too. I really am selfish in that I do this for me.

Head in the clouds when your stuck in the mud

Well, I've tried to come up with a topic but I can't honestly think of anything that doesn't sound angry, self-pitying, or dirty today and I have been looking at this screen on and off for over 2 hours. I'll try starting fresh tomorrow. Until then, play nice and respect each other (Geez! Was that lame or what?)

Travel broadens the mind...as long as you`re not driving

I do try and keep my promises, so here is my take on traffic in general.

It has always been my belief that society in general is suppose to evolve into something a bit better than it presently is. We are supposed to become more technologically advanced, more socially advanced, if nothing else, we should be getting at least a bit more intelligent than the day before (mind you, this could be my interest in Doctor Who and comics colouring my perceptions).

The thing that leads me to believe this is not the case is traffic on our roads. Now, up until about 7 or 8 years ago I had a car and I would like to think that I was conscientious when I drove although it is entirely possible I could have been fooling myself. Now that I am a pedestrian, I am able to be on the outside and observe those on the road.

First off, motorized vehicles. I do realize that a right turn on a red light but at some point aren`t you actually supposed to come to a stop as opposed to squealing to a turn. This is when an individual isn`t weaving in and out of traffic lanes on a 4 lane city street. It almost seems to have become a philosophy of driving now to say "I am the only one on the road. The rest of you are just figments of my imagination and therefore inconsequential." People, it's a city street, not a nascar track. This goes for larger metropolitan areas as well as smaller places.

Last winter I saw a perfect example of this. I was walking home and I arrive at a four way intersection. There is an ambulance coming from the west heading east with the lights flashing and the siren blaring. Meanwhile the light is just about to change to allow the ambulance the right of way but as always, there is one guy who has to make the dash so he almost rams the ambulance and then HONKS HIS HORN at the emergency vehicle as he goes on his merry way. I mean the nerve of the emergency vehicle. Doesn`t he realize that this could make the driver of the car late by, oh at least 2 minutes, for his dinner. What's one life in comparison to that? Seriously, unless you have someone about to launch a baby out of their pelvis or trying to hold in their spleen the additional 2 or 3 minutes will not cause your destination to disappear into limbo. IT WILL STILL BE THERE!!!

Then we have the more environmentally minded of us on bicycles. Now, if someone could explain to me why I can see children of about 10 years of age capable of riding a bicycle in the street but why teens on up are incapable of doing so. While I realize that dexterity decreases as you get older, I didn't realise that it started as such a young age. That could be why we have the guys that do the wheelie bounce but if they have to even think about going out in the street they rush right back onto the sidewalk like a scalded cat. Hey buddy, if you want to try something X-TREME, try hauling your sorry butt out into the traffic. It will probably impress more people by the uniqueness of the act. The way I look at it, if you've bought a bicycle, you've made your choice to own a vehicle. It's not as if I go out a buy a motorcycle and find the traffic too rough, I'm allowed to ride the sidewalk either. If it's too hard you have two choices: buy a car or walk. I realise that drivers don't make it easy for you, but damnit, take back what's yours. My hometown has about a population of I think 5,000. It's a small University town and as you may guess, on a Sunday, it's not expressway traffic. Still the sidewalk has cyclists weaving in and out around pedestrians.

So there you have it, my first rant. I hope it was as cathartic for you as it was for me ;)

I`m not very proud of this

Referring to my last post, I do try to accept people for who they are and not what they are. This, however, is not a rule written in stone as I have discovered to my regret. I have found that I tend to avoid blonde women and large breasted women when I am looking for someone to go out with although this goes back to unsatisfying relationships with both (the last blonde I went out with stole my car). By the same token, I can flip flop on reversals as well.

I started working at my present employers a bit over a year ago. At that time, the area I was working in had cubicles with somewhat high walls. I started chatting with one of my co-workers over the course of several months and a friendly relationship began. I nicknamed her "Princess" after the Halloween costume she wore and offered my condolences when her grandmother died. Then the walls came down, well not really but they became shorter and all of a sudden I started noticing that she had a killer figure and no matter how often I would catch myself most times when I said anything more than "Hi!" to her, I still found myself checking her out. Now, I admit that I have been in my fair share of strip clubs and I am also a fan of Benny Hill and Married...With Children, and until I found out she was a vegetarian I found Liana K. From Ed`s Night Party hot (this will be a WHOLE other entry believe me) but I try not to look at a woman, especially one who I find very intelligent and charming as just a physical form. I find myself ashamed whenever I am around her now and because of this, I now avoid her. The worst part is that I can`t even explain it because it is my problem and not hers but by the same token I am concerned that she thinks that I don`t like her.

Some of my other co-workers are not much help. I had one tell me "Forget it. She doesn`t deserve the respect. Just enjoy the ride." But I think that comes from the fact that he recently broke up with his girlfriend. I am seriously thinking of making guilt my new art form of expression. But the `no respect` thing is just not me and I hope it will never be. I have found that this among other factors has caused me to re-evaluate my interactions with others and distance myself from them for what I have stated has been in their best interests. The lone traveler continues. Well, that`s enough for one day. Next time, my rant about traffic (theoretically ;)

Brand New for Day 2

I was thinking about this last night and decided that since Blogger decided to have me read the terms and conditions, maybe I should have a statement of intent. Now when I say intent, it is what I INTEND to do, the practice may be different. I am planning to use this blog as a place to make observations (ie. Rant) or to pass on what I feel is useful information (ie. Meddle) and to record the important events and individuals in my life.

This being said, maybe I should describe myself somewhat (especially as I can`t, as yet, download a picture). I am a verrrry old soul in a somewhat young body (young in comparison to let`s say the Rocky Mountains, time is relative) and consider myself a bit of a traveler and explorer although my traveling in the past five years has been somewhat less than noteworthy. I am a Doctor Who and comic book fan (yeah, that gets the women damp in the panties) and am presently working on a screenplay (for about the past year) which is a psychological piece looking at what makes up an individual`s personality. I tend to be a bit introspective to the point where I can over-analyze things and my life experiences sometimes can sometimes come across as being a bit patronizing when describing or explaining things. I like to think that I try to accept people for who they are rather than WHAT they are. I try to look beyond the physical but at the same time, I`m not blind. This kind of leads into my first observation....

Day 1 and I'm still here

This is just a first time post. I'll think of something deep and meaningful as I go along but for now it`s just hello ;)