I`m not very proud of this

Referring to my last post, I do try to accept people for who they are and not what they are. This, however, is not a rule written in stone as I have discovered to my regret. I have found that I tend to avoid blonde women and large breasted women when I am looking for someone to go out with although this goes back to unsatisfying relationships with both (the last blonde I went out with stole my car). By the same token, I can flip flop on reversals as well.

I started working at my present employers a bit over a year ago. At that time, the area I was working in had cubicles with somewhat high walls. I started chatting with one of my co-workers over the course of several months and a friendly relationship began. I nicknamed her "Princess" after the Halloween costume she wore and offered my condolences when her grandmother died. Then the walls came down, well not really but they became shorter and all of a sudden I started noticing that she had a killer figure and no matter how often I would catch myself most times when I said anything more than "Hi!" to her, I still found myself checking her out. Now, I admit that I have been in my fair share of strip clubs and I am also a fan of Benny Hill and Married...With Children, and until I found out she was a vegetarian I found Liana K. From Ed`s Night Party hot (this will be a WHOLE other entry believe me) but I try not to look at a woman, especially one who I find very intelligent and charming as just a physical form. I find myself ashamed whenever I am around her now and because of this, I now avoid her. The worst part is that I can`t even explain it because it is my problem and not hers but by the same token I am concerned that she thinks that I don`t like her.

Some of my other co-workers are not much help. I had one tell me "Forget it. She doesn`t deserve the respect. Just enjoy the ride." But I think that comes from the fact that he recently broke up with his girlfriend. I am seriously thinking of making guilt my new art form of expression. But the `no respect` thing is just not me and I hope it will never be. I have found that this among other factors has caused me to re-evaluate my interactions with others and distance myself from them for what I have stated has been in their best interests. The lone traveler continues. Well, that`s enough for one day. Next time, my rant about traffic (theoretically ;)