This is a recording...

The number you have dialed is not in service. Please check your directory or try your call again. Spooky how well I know that, huh? Anyways, I have changed responsibilities at my job so my entries for the near future may be a bit scatter-shot. I just didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

There she was just a' ridin' down the street...

You know how people sometimes are worried about becoming their parents? This doesn't worry me too much. I mean they are pretty good people so really no worries on that front, no, what I am worried about is becoming a past companion of mine.Quite some time in my past, when I was working as a dishwasher in a country club, I had this bud who was a real "chick chaser". He came in one day and told everybody he had fallen in love with this woman he had met on the bus just 20 minutes ago.

This is where I have the problem. Where I work, I am supposed to be there by 8:00 a.m. so to make sure I get to work on time, I take the bus from my place at about 6:45 so that not only am I early but I am also not crowded in by the students who take the bus. When I take the bus, there are maybe 10 people on it. Now one of these people is one of those pre-packaged women. When I say this, I mean the type that has the dyed blonde hair, the maintained tan, and the make-up like she is going out to a movie premiere and often the wardrobe to match. THIS is what I can't figure out: This woman is NOTHING like the sort of woman I prefer but I still find her eye-catchingly attractive.

Now speaking on a purely physical level, the sort of woman I find attractive is medium build, a very natural look (I mean that make-up is okay but try and keep it from looking like you have put a few HOURS work into it), long hair (preferably red or brunette) and clothed in something that doesn't try to put everything you have on display (ex. a bustier that puts your nipples up around your neck). Why don't I just go full out and start chasing Dolly Parton, I mean she has the full package doesn't she, the rack, the blonde hair, caked on make-up and well okay she has widened into a real woman's figure as oppposed to just top-heavy. I know, I know, it's odd but I don't find what is societally considered beautiful to be my definition of beautiful but at the same time, someone who does fall into those parameters does get my juices flowing. I guess I am just a mass of contradictions.

Now where did I leave that phone booth? ;)

This past weekend I was asked a question which has been asked of me before and I think does deserve an answer. Why do I like Science-Fiction, Time Travel and comic books? It’s a legitimate question and I think one that I finally am able to answer. Because it’s better than what we have.

One of the main things in all those topics (for the most part) is a central character trying to make the world (or worlds) a better place. They may not succeed but they try and largely because it’s the right thing to do. This leads to a large part of the frustration that I often feel in my own life. I try to do the right thing and sometimes it blows up in my face, sometimes it doesn’t. I realize that the world is not a black and white environment but there are some things that are clearly right or wrong. It was a few years ago in the winter and I was heading home from work and this young woman was having a difficult time managing her shopping bags coming from the grocery store. I was in no great rush, so I offered to help her carry some of the bags to her apartment not because I thought it would "get me some" but because I saw someone who needed the help. When I was living in Toronto and again when I was living in Calgary one of the things I used to do on pay days would be to stop by McDonalds and pick up a second breakfast and give it to some homeless person along the way to work. These aren’t big things that have far-reaching effects but they were the right thing to do.

The thing of it is that sometimes I hold myself to too high a standard, an unachieveable one and then end up getting frustrated because of it. As opposed to being content with what I have accomplished; I get frustrated about what I could have accomplished. I think this, in part is what led to the breakup of one of my relationships. The woman I was seeing at the time felt that I didn’t have that drive to get ahead and at the time, I agreed with that assessment. In the present, I have revised my opinion. It’s not that I do not have a drive to succeed, it’s that I want to be able to help others succeed as well.

So why don’t I get the girl?

WHEEL……OF………FORTUNE!!!! Not really ;)

Today I would like to talk about the lottery. To start off, I will freely admit I play the lottery. Each week, I pay $2 (whoaaaaaa! Big money there my ol' son ;) to play the Super 7 lottery, which, if any of the Americans I sent this to don’t know is a lottery where you have to choose 7 numbers out of 49 and if you match all 7 you win the jackpot which is a minimum of $2, 000, 000.

There are several ways of seeing things: Some people see it as an idiot tax. You pay money and get nothing back. Personally, I see it as a license to dream. For that $2 (occasionally $4 if the jackpot is like $20, 000, 000 or more) I can dream what I would do if that money was mine (THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO USE THE COMMENTS FOR A "MAKE BIG MONEY FAST BY CHECKING OUT THIS WEBSITE, I DID !" PIECE OF SPAM) I can tell you from a start, this lone traveler would definitely get back into traveling. I haven't seen anyplace new and it's about time I did. I would also get back in touch with old companions and friends as well as taking the time to mend a few bridges that I have tried to let a few oceans pass under (how's that for a mixed metaphor, hmmm?) The motivating force for the traveling would probably be a lack of desire to have every one that normally would not give me the time of day calling to become my best friend (mind you, if they are hot, I will allow them to make the attempt ;). As stupid as it sounds, that kind of coin could help solve a lot of problems and right more than a few wrongs from my past and maybe even help me right a few wrongs from my future as well.

So that’s it for this week. I'll be back on Monday and hopefully the caffeine will have taken effect.

Tell me honestly, do I look fat in this blog?

Sorry I’m late today. I just had a blast of originality and inspiration in my screenplay that I have been working on over the past year. I believe I mentioned it before. It deals with an amnesiac who…nah, I better not give too much away. Suffice it to say that it has it all. Sex, violence, emotion and I have (for the most part) avoided the standard clichés. I haven’t as yet completed the script but I already have someone lined up for the male lead, the tougher part will be finding the actress as the film will require one or two scenes of male and female nudity and finding someone comfortable in their skin is tough whatever the sex.

This brings me to today’s topic which is personal acceptance of physical appearance. This is a subject I really shouldn't talk too much about as if there is anyone who is less accepting of their physical appearance than myself, I haven't met them. I tend to think that I have looks that would make Dr. Doom have a case of the heaves. This may seem like a contradiction of terms but although I KNOW that is not the case, it FEELS quite often like it is which is ironic when women are normally known for a problem with physical and body image. And I know for a fact that nothing drives me crazier than a beautiful woman who talks about how unattractive she is. I have known more than my fair share. There was a woman who I mentioned in a previous entry who has a hubby that basically just can't keep it in his pants and she is always at the gym or doing something to beautify herself to keep his interest. (Okay, I'm infatuated with her but it's just physical and besides the point for the purpose of this discussion:)

Personally I prefer a woman with a few flaws. I wouldn’t want a supermodel type. I mean, who needs that kind of pressure and as to the weight thing. Gimme some meat on them bones and some junk in the trunk I would like to know that if I go to hug someone, odds are that I won't miss ;). That being said, I do tend to shy away from someone who has to bathe themselves with a rag on a stick. As a counterpoint I don't tend to like women who are large breasted. I think that is probably due to some that I have been involved with in the past. Not that large breasted women tend to be excessively heavy but I think I am digressing from my original point by trying to lay down covering apologies.

Well, that's today's meal of food for thought. Bon Appetit. ;)

Bouncing Boy (I couldn't land on just one subject)

There is something depressing about birthdays after a certain point. I don't know about anyone else but after you reach the age of about 10 or 12 the excitement level drops. I mean, do you remember how excited you were as a kid with the idea that you MIGHT receive something like a Hot Wheels track, an album (really showing my age here) or a video game for some of you younger gens. Something changes though when if you want something and you can just go out and buy it for yourself. I miss the adrenalin/endorphin levels that came with youth. I can't say what I really want for my birthday but I do know I won't be getting it. I won't get into detail but the phrase "C'mon honey, I promise to use lots of lube." might have come up in the conversation ;)

My big excitement (payday still being three days away) is watching Fort Boyard while chomping down on the butterscotch ripple ice cream I bought last night and maybe putting a few more rows on my scarf (I'm still only at 10 and a half feet.). I suppose the mood today is in part due to the dark grey weather in the area. Part of it might be guilt though as well because I forgot someone on my first-string romantic interests. At least that part I can fix.

This is again when I was living in London Ontario lo, those many years ago. At the country club that I was working at, there was this woman that I was working with that I palled around with and I went to a couple of movie premieres with. Well she had a daughter who was about 22 or so that worked once in a while at the country club as well. She was also a winning contestant in some Hawaiian Tropic contest and well deserved the title. We also occasionally went out for a movie. Before you get the wrong idea, my hanging out with her mom was not a romantic thing. No Springer episodes in the making here. Anywho, me and the daughter hung out for a time and while there wasn't anything between us explicitly romantic, the possibility was there. Well maybe not, she could do better than me with a concussion and half blind. I still have a picture of her from a fashion show that is almost 20 years old at this point.

I realize that today's entry is a bit self-pitying but then again you never know what to expect from this blog do you? I'll give it another shot tomorrow.

Hello, I love you, won`t you tell me your name?

Okay, I’ll confess. I don’t look most people in the eyes when I talk to them. Generally, I try to look at the point just above a person’s nose between the two eyes because there is something about the experience that I am just very uncomfortable with. Before I get responses to this however, with the exception of when I am at a peeler bar, I do not generally look a woman straight in the nipples. The reason I bring this up is because of a woman that I used to work with that I met yesterday at the mall. She is the ONLY woman that I look in the eyes because I get mesmerized. She has two different coloured eyes and I think the reason I can look her in the eyes (and this is just a weird analysis of my psyche) is because it is like talking to two different people and it would be rude to neglect one or the other.

I suppose that with another of my countless birthdays that I am getting a bit introspective about my past. Admittedly, the young lady I was referring to was not a major part of my past although we did get along well but it did get me thinking. I’m not going to re-hash the situation between the young lady I mentioned in the blog entry entitled "And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like…" but when you have lived as long as I have its almost inevitable that you will get involved with someone on some level. I’m not sure that I can say that I loved any one of them. There are times that I honestly think I don’t even know what the term means (this comes from years of distancing yourself from others). But there have been special people in my life.
There was a young mother of two great kids that used to work at the restaurant with myself and the other young woman I mentioned with the two different coloured eyes and to say that I was interested in her was definitely an understatement but she was married so it was a hands-off scenario. After about 2 years of knowing her, her husband decided to leave her and the kids. I did what I could to console her but I didn’t do anything too pushy or anything because I felt she needed the chance to sort things out for herself before getting involved with anyone. After about 2 days, she hooked up with a friend of the family and they have been together since. The last time I saw her was at the same restaurant after it moved and before it went under. I have no idea where she is or what she is doing now, but I hope that she is happy.

I happened to work with a very attractive (read that as HOT!) young woman in Calgary who I was interested in for some time and finally worked up the courage to ask out to the second Austin Powers movie (showing my age here aren’t I?). I had a great time but I can’t say it was a mutual thing. I think in large part because I kept on looking at her instead of the movie which may have creeped her out a bit. I asked if she wanted to go for coffee afterwards and was quickly told no and after that, things were a bit awkward between us. I tend to disbelieve that old adage of "Better to have loved and lost…etc."

There is one young woman who will always have a special place in my heart (again assuming I have one) and this is the only woman I ever proposed to. It was the mid-80s and I was new to London, Ontario. I was working at a country club and was listening to the radio when I called in and won two tickets to the premiere of the movie "Young Sherlock Holmes". As I didn’t really know anyone in the area, I offered them to a co-worker so she and her boyfriend could go. The radio station was on the outskirts of town and I got there a bit before 5:45. I picked up the tickets and went out for the bus to catch it on the turn around. As I was waiting, an attractive young woman came up and we started talking. I showed her a present I got for my best friend (who I have mentioned several times in this blog thus far) and also mentioned my plans for the tickets when she practically floored me by asking me if I wanted to go with her. After the shock wore off, I said yes and we exchanged numbers. Premiere night came and we had a great time and I was lost just looking at her beautiful face. Just to show how gushing I can be, at the point where I had to get off the bus I just spontaneously grabbed her and kissed her deeply. It was the beginning of December but that kiss kept me warm for the remaining 20 minutes walk home. We were together about a year. She originally came from Guyana, South America so I have no idea literally where in the WORLD she could be.

I am not really sure what I intended this entry to be about. I suppose it is a bit of reflection and wool-gathering. I decided to keep this brief believe it or not so as not to overwhelm anyone. I might do this again in the future, so you have all been warned ;)

And now a word from our sponsors ;)

Something happened yesterday which inspired today’s blog entry. I had a response which made me realize that sometimes what I put down here can be misinterpreted so today is kind of a "viewer mail" Well….that and I had a couple of other thoughts for today’s entry but they were really on the weak side ;).

First off, going back to September 19th, my entry on ‘Princess’ and the fact that I now find myself paying attention to the wrong body parts when I talk to her. I whole heartedly agree that guilt is mostly a wasted emotion but at the same time I feel that almost everyone is worthy of my respect and to deny it based on a physicality that I seem unable to ignore is wrong. At this point, I am maintaining the complete professional persona when I interact with her.

Secondly, on the idea of how the physical appearance can effect interactions (which after the other entry I just commented on makes me realize this is a trend in my life) well, I contacted the respondent in question and I think the way I put it there might clear things up for everyone, also if this was misinterpreted I would like to consider this an apology to the woman in question.

The point I was making was simply that I am not immune to a person’s physicality
just as the woman who was frightened of me couldn’t get past mine. I do realize
that she has needs like anyone else and I also realize that her husband is cool
with her appearance and I think that’s great as well. I just meant it especially
in this context as an example of how shallow I can be at times. I realize that
it is what on the inside not the outside that is important and as I mentioned we
got along great during my time at XXXXXXXXXXXXX. It was not meant as a shot
against her quite the opposite, it was a shot against me. Also, I’m a guy we
ALWAYS think about doing it (just kidding ;)

Next, this is less of a response than a comment and I am probably shouting at the world on this one. This is a blog, not a bulletin board for other websites. If you enjoy a website or work for one, get your own blog and promote it up the wazoo if you want (I am trying to keep this all ages, remember) but I would prefer you not do it here. If I find one I like, I do try and let people know about it but that again is because it’s my blog. AT THE SAME TIME, I don’t want to scare anyone away from commenting on this blog. I really appreciate the feedback I get and look forward to more in the future. If you agree with things I say, I’d like to know. If you think I’m being a real knob, I’d like to know. It’s only with fresh points of view that I feel that I grow as a person…Man! That sounds so Dr. Phil, doesn’t it. I better get back to my coffee y’all. See you next week.

Oh, I almost forgot. Hi Marie-Helene. *Wave*

Nothing new under the sun? Not on my watch!

Sorry I’m late on today’s entry. I have been waiting for my coffee to take effect;) I was thinking today about the concept of originality. There are a few things that brought this to mind. Yesterday the first issue of a comic mini-series ‘Infinite Crisis’ came out by one of my favourite comic book writers, Geoff Johns and true to his style, you are never quite sure what is going to come up next. I am also trying to get a bit further along in my screenplay that I believe I mentioned in another entry and finally I had a discussion about how there seem to be a plethora of movies based on old TV shows.

I realize that in some manner or other that almost everything has been done at some point in the past so actual originality is near impossible but it shouldn’t keep us from trying to be original in things. This has been very evident to me since I started writing my aforementioned screenplay. I am trying to avoid all the movie clichés and in doing so, end up using others I didn’t realize until I wrote it. Even at that I try to put my spin on things. For example, it is a emotional movie with action that is performed for the most part by a woman (she even gets to take a swing at me). In ‘Infinite Crisis’ which is DC Comics big event for the end of this year and the beginning of next, the story deals with the heroes dealing with the concept of what brought us to this point. It’s been done before but part of the twist this time is that Wonder Woman killed another character who was mind controlling Superman into killing Batman. As to the movie thing, the one that pops to mind is ‘Bewitched’ which, if you ask me was one of the most racist TV series in the subtext. Think about it, the wife has to hide her heritage from the world because her husband is opposed to it and he can’t stand her family because they don’t bother to do the same. I think I would have occasionally turned him into a chimpanzee myself if I had been in their place. The movie however dealt with them making a movie based on the TV series and the actress happens to be a witch. Again, an old idea with a personal twist. I feel this trend towards trying to be original should be rewarded and applauded. I have no problem with a back to basics approach to stuff but you have to have left square one at some time to be able to go BACK to it.

She has a perfect right (and the left ain`t bad either;)

There are times that I forget that I strike fear into the hearts of women that I encounter. Now THERE'S an innocuous start to today's blog entry.;)

Now before we start on the wrong foot, I don't want you to think that I am some sort of slavering monster ripping tops off of women and forcing my attentions on them. I have just found that, time and again, being heavy and about six foot two inches in height, that I do tend to be more misinterpreted than an Islamic translation of the Kama Sutra. I am about the only one I know who has been "talked to" about giving Christmas cards with more than Happy Holidays written in them. I am the only guy I know who has been accused of sexual harassment by a woman who told me that she owns underwear with cows on them (that is a bit longer story).

Yesterday was another in a long archive of my alleged transgressions. I was taking the bus home with a young woman who works at the same place that I do and each time I looked towards her, almost without exception, she put her arm up to cover her breasts. They were ample so it did make it a bit of a challenge, but come on! * initiate sarcasm mode * Yes, I am certainly going to make a grab someone's breasts on a ¾ full city bus. I lack even that much restraint when confronted with a passably attractive woman *sarcasm mode deactivated * Don't get me wrong. I am well aware that it is a very scary world and a person has every right to defend themselves (just ask Charlton Heston if you don't believe me ;) but by the same token not every male that has managed to develop pubic hair is a serial rapist either. I am also well aware that I cannot change the world and if you have read some of the other entries in this blog you can see that is a very good thing but it doesn't stop me from trying.

I suppose that I am a bit hypocritical though when it comes to physical appearance. When I was living in Calgary, my boss at one of the places I worked was burned over a large part of her body as a child. Now she was one of the most charming and real women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and we got along great. She has a husband and I believe 2 kids which she gave birth to. This is where I had problems. Like I said, we got along great but every time I thought of her doing the deed let's just say 'my boys' would retract so far you would have thought I was a hermaphrodite. Thus, sainthood is not in my immediate future.

Anyways, that's my topic for today so Good Day, eh? I'm goin' for a beer and some back bacon ;)

Lie down. I think I love you ;)

I was thinking last night how I would like to be a father. That being said, I think I’ll have to find a woman willing to sleep with me first (I’m old-fashioned that way ;). The reason this came up was because I was talking to a friend about an old companion of mine and how she has lost interest in her children. Well that may be a bit unfair, it was more to the extent that she tends to put herself before her children which seems to be a bit of a trend but I don’t want this to be a bitch session about her (my ex-companion not my friend).

There are times I do tend to be a bit over responsible but when it comes to having and raising a child I feel that’s a definite plus. When you have a child, that child should be one of the main focuses of your life, not something that you look into when you don’t have anything else on the go or ‘King of Queens’ is a rerun that night. There are sacrifices that have to be made from time to time because of this, but anything worth having requires sacrifice and sorry to say but it can be a life time sacrifice but anyone I have talked to that has kids that loves their kids will tell you it’s worth it.

My big concern if I DID become a parent is that I wouldn’t be able to balance things. I am afraid that either I would let the kid get away with murder (hopefully, I would be speaking figuratively) or the kid would be constantly grounded because I would always be grounding him or her. On the other hand, I suppose the fact that I would worry about that would help keep me grounded. And as I mentioned earlier, at the very least, I would be paying attention to the kid which would put me ahead of others out there.

Just to clear up one point this morning, before I go. Adoption is a great thing and if I knew that I could support someone besides myself I would definitely consider it as an option however my first choice would be a child created with myself and someone that I care about deeply and I would love that child just as much as one I had from my own gene structure. Well, I have a short weekend so I suppose that I should dismount that high horse I am on at the moment and think of what to talk about on Monday.

Curiousity killed the cat, regeneration brought it back

For those of you not fortunate to spend an evening at the movies last night, I died. No, I didn’t give a bad performance; I had my brains splattered on the floor and then was fried up and eaten by my killer. Well there’s a cheery start to a blog entry for a Thursday morning ;)

This does, however, lead me into my topic for today, life after death. NOW, before you all start thinking, ‘Man, another Jesus Freak!’ I want to clarify my statement. I do not have any strong faith one way or another with respect to God as described by the church. I do believe that there must be some sort of higher authority but I’m not egotistical enough to say that I KNOW what it is. ACTUALLY, what I wanted to discuss is the idea of reincarnation. I do tend to think that it is possible and that we are each eons old. I tend to see it the scientific way : people tend to refer to their souls often as their life force or some other form of energy and science talks about energy not being created or destroyed just changing shape but just as with a lot of energy flows there are peaks and valleys. I personally think that I am in a bit of a valley in this persona. There is an aspect of me that feels like an ancient soul. Like I have seen all of this before and a certain disinterest. This also might have something to do with the patronizing attitude that I can sometimes give to people, the "accept the word of one who knows" that I come off with from time to time. This also can somewhat account for the sense of having been in certain places before when I know in this life that I haven’t.

Existentialism is always fun on Thursday mornings isn’t it? If I have been reincarnated I hope it’s not from some famous historical figure. That puts a fair amount of pressure to live up to your last life, doesn’t it? Well, that’s it for today. I’ll try and come up with some worthwhile reading for tomorrow to start the weekend off right. Later all.

Beep! Beep! Zip! Tang!

I’m not usually the type to comment on current affairs. I figure there are more than enough people out there that are just eager to do so. In yesterday’s news however something came up which kind of compels me to comment on it. Today I want to discuss photo radar.

The thing that caught my attention was that when a gentleman was asked his opinion on the subject he was opposed to it because "It’s an invasion of my rights." To which I replied watching this, "huh?" As I see it, you are out in public interacting with other citizens and if you are breaking the law and are filmed doing so you should get ticketed or arrested or whatever is appropriate.

If I were suddenly to go into the City Centre and start masturbating like someone was going to take it away and someone took a video or photographed me with a camera which gives the date and time, I would expect to be arrested or fined or whatever even if I got the summons several weeks later. I would have broken the law and been presented with the proof. Apparently, I have been informed that in Quebec that the ticket is supposed to be handed to the lawbreaker. Honestly, I don’t really see the difference. Either way if it is immediate or mailed to the person, the first thing they are going to say is that they weren’t speeding.

There are a great many people who I believe think that the Grand Prix is run year round and on city streets. If you want a driver’s permit prove you deserve it and obey the rules of the road not just those you think should apply to you otherwise they catch you, one way or another.

Gosh Mr. George Bailey, isn`t it a wonderful life?

I thought I might start off today's entry (after several days away form blogging) with a quote that might help kind of explain things

Every great decision creates ripples, like a huge boulder dropped into a lake.
The ripples merge, rebound off the banks in unforseeable ways. The heavier the
decision, the larger the waves, the more uncertain the consequences.

To a certain extent, I’d like to think of myself as the fulcrum that helped move that boulder that I may have helped people make their decisions or helped change things for the better but I am wondering if I HAVE changed things for the better or for the worse or if I have made any changes at all.

Recently, my bestest friend commented that when I was asked how things were going, I was commenting on news in everyone else’s as opposed to my own. I am wondering if that is because a part of me is trying to define itself by interactions with others to try and define a purpose in my life and theirs. (It’s amazing what you come up with before the first shot of the ol’ Java jolt)Really, I suppose this is something that everyone goes through in their lives, the age old question as to what is my purpose here?

This is obviously something I won’t be able to come up with an answer for in just one blog entry. It is something that is definitely going to take some time, if I ever find an answer. I would like to think that I follow the hypocratic oath’s premise of doing no harm but at the same time even a plague of locusts or a volcano, though seeming to be something horrible can have beneficial after effects. Don’t worry, I’m not going to become a mad scientist or even a cow tipper. It’s just the idea that everything isn’t black or white but at the end of the day you do have to account for your actions and I wonder on which side I will be considered as being on.