And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like...
I was realizing last night that I am a bit self-abusive. Now before the worry of my hairy palms, going blind as well as flagging this blog, let me explain. This isn't really a new realization but I tend to, on a almost daily basis, will remember something that I did wrong. It can be something from a week ago or it can be decades past. Either way, I will berate myself on it and then get on with the day. Some do last longer but generally within about five minutes, it's done. The problem is that guilt for the most part is a wasted emotion. The past is immutable. You'd think someone as interested in science fiction time travel could figure at least that much out.
This brings me to today's entry. In kind of a contradiction of what I have just said, I am making a very public apology to someone from my past. About three years ago, I met a wonderful young woman via the net. We had quite a bit in common and she made me laugh, think, as well as care (well she didn't MAKE me care, I wanted to do that;) The problem was we had the better part of the continent separating us. She was (and I'm assuming still is) very intelligent, driven and charming. Anyways after about a year, she met someone else who could give her all that I could and more and he was local. I understood and I would never want to stand in her way. They were happy and we remained in friendly contact. Then I called one day and true to my timing, the day
I called was the day that he passed. I offered my condolences and sent a sympathy card (I would have sent flowers but it was between paydays and my cc was overlimit as it was). I tried calling a few days later and the number was no longer in service. I found out by email that she was feeling overwhelmed by calls by her late boyfriend's family. I figured when she was cool she would give me the new number. After a while, the emails stopped as well.
I realize at this point that I was an annoying pain in the ass who once again had done more damage than good. Although she said I wasn't, her actions have stated that she felt differently. I feel sad and guilty that I screwed up something so lovely. Therefore, today's lesson: I am John and there is nothing so good that I cannot screw it up.
On the lighter side. I found this hilarious site which any comic or super-hero movie fan will love. It's http://yearone.spiderspawn.com
This brings me to today's entry. In kind of a contradiction of what I have just said, I am making a very public apology to someone from my past. About three years ago, I met a wonderful young woman via the net. We had quite a bit in common and she made me laugh, think, as well as care (well she didn't MAKE me care, I wanted to do that;) The problem was we had the better part of the continent separating us. She was (and I'm assuming still is) very intelligent, driven and charming. Anyways after about a year, she met someone else who could give her all that I could and more and he was local. I understood and I would never want to stand in her way. They were happy and we remained in friendly contact. Then I called one day and true to my timing, the day
I called was the day that he passed. I offered my condolences and sent a sympathy card (I would have sent flowers but it was between paydays and my cc was overlimit as it was). I tried calling a few days later and the number was no longer in service. I found out by email that she was feeling overwhelmed by calls by her late boyfriend's family. I figured when she was cool she would give me the new number. After a while, the emails stopped as well.
I realize at this point that I was an annoying pain in the ass who once again had done more damage than good. Although she said I wasn't, her actions have stated that she felt differently. I feel sad and guilty that I screwed up something so lovely. Therefore, today's lesson: I am John and there is nothing so good that I cannot screw it up.
On the lighter side. I found this hilarious site which any comic or super-hero movie fan will love. It's http://yearone.spiderspawn.com
posted by John @ 7:57 AM
2 Comments:
At Wednesday, September 21, 2005 11:47:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
I find that it's only a matter of time before we do or say something wrong. People tend to only to like like what they they wish to hear or have us behave the way they wish for us to act. That's why the famous great 3 month "honeymoon" period exist. Humans in relationships become someone else when we meet no people. We become who they want us to be. It's sometimes fun and easier to be someone else than who we really are. Adaptation or Acting who knows, but when the curtain goes down our true colours alway come through. Just be yourself, the best you can be and friends ( male and female ) can truly never be disapointed and therfore you should never have any guilt.
At Thursday, September 22, 2005 8:28:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
very good comment
Post a Comment
<< Home